Inside the Sound

I don't know why God invites us into a life of suffering. It's much easier to picture a world where everything becomes brighter, everything becomes good, everything becomes whole, the moment Christ takes over. I guess I can relate to the Pharisees sometimes, because no matter what I know and believe about Jesus (or at least, by putting that aside for just a second), I kind of wish he was the ultimate conquering messiah who would just come and set things right. Of course I know that's not right, that's now what he was doing, that's not the total, long-view purpose of God's Kingdom, but I do sometimes wish it were that easy.

But it's not, and the reality we have is better, at least in the long run, for it. But it doesn't change how my humanity doesn't enjoy the sort of suffering endemic to the human condition...and it's not even like I suffer in the same ways so many around the world do on a daily basis...but it's not like I enjoy what I do go through either. There's a big difference between en-joy and to "count it all joy." I'm learning that. Because I can count it as eventual joy, and I can do what I can to view everything as a learning experience and as a step further toward the "prize." But suffering wouldn't be suffering without suffering, and without suffering, there isn't the long-view learning to be had.

I'm sorry for how all of my posts might seem like endless pontificating these days. I'm just trying to make sense of a life I just don't understand right now, and I do that by writing. If it weren't for the blog-format and the publishability though, I'd get too self-concious and never get these thoughts out...or I'd never have to process them to the point of being able to share them with others, as this kind of is. It's a sad substitute, I'll admit, to a real person to talk through things (and, honestly, be more honest), but it's what I've got right now, and it's what I'll use. I've enjoyed the lent posts, but I do apologize how they seem to get shorter and far more parochial as I go. I don't mean it that way, and I don't have a plan for them at all. Sometimes I get stuck around issues and thoughts and have to write around them like digging a hole around a post or something...you can't do much to the post itself, but by digging around it, eventually you'll get to the point that you can remove it.

I wish I could say more and I wish I could say different things. But right now, I mostly just need to be as clear in my thoughts as I can be, so I can get to sleep and face a new day and all the excitement that may be on the way.

Goodnight world.

-Zack

"You never stop until my final breath is gone"
-Hawthorne Heights