I'm not sure what to write about right now, because I don't want to write about capitalism...but that's the most interesting thing I've come up with this week.
I don't know what it's like being you, (and I'm sure you don't know what it's like to be me...none of us really know what it's like to be anyone else) but I spend a lot of time just thinking, and I come up with things; sometimes theoretical, sometimes moral, sometime philosophical, and sometimes fictional. I've lost a lot of things that I just never wrote down and forget...usually, I figure that means it wasn't too important. But this capitalism thing has stuck with me for a couple of days, so it might be important. But this isn't the space for it, not right now.
I think I broke my finger last week....but it still seems to work alright, it just hurts if I press on it too hard, or it ends up the first finger on the bottom of the handle when I'm lifting a coffee mug by the handle. It had been swollen for the first few days, but it's back to normal size and it works alright. I don't even know why I'm talking about all of this.
I wonder what it's like for other people that read Salman Rushdie. Each and every time I read anything he's written, my literary world is blown to pieces and reassembled, all the while, I feel personally built up and enlightened. That might just be me though... You should read something by him though, if you ever get a chance. It will probably be long and you've got to have an at least somewhat open-minded approach, but it's the pinnacle of literature at the moment, even though most of this stuff isn't terribly new. I'm reading "The Ground Beneath her Feet" right now, which came out ten years ago. I've never read an author with so sure a grasp of both language and experimentation all at once, with a definite flair for the implicit post-modern. That's probably the most understated and misunderstood part of post-modernity: being explicit is particularly modern because it's assuming you can actually understand things from direct words about them. That's why some "emergent" churches, including the one I attend, seem a bit borish...They always have catchy names, but the names always carry direct meaning, when post-modernity is built upon the concept that words only have understood meaning, and the forcing of a definition upon a word (and, ergo, the word's user/hearer) is both impossible and an act of treason to the language. I'll admit though, that I'm probably the second least explicit person you could ever meet, and when I decide to get explicit, I usually bury it in words and commas. That's really why my I.S. is so long. The first least explicit person is the woman I hope to marry, because women, by our cultures establishment of gendered necessities in romantic relationships, at least in the reckoning of a man, will always be less explicit than men.
I think I talk about post-modernism so much because it's a less explicit (but ultimately more powerful) cultural critique than something more straightforward (like my new-found thoughts on capitalism).
Did I mention last week that I had bubble tea, last week? I don't know how available it might be where you are (it's not terribly available, in general, it seems), but it's my favorite dairy product. Okay, that might not be true, because I love some kinds of cheese to a great degree. It's definitely my favorite dairy beverage, which probably isn't saying much (but I am counting milkshakes and smoothies...) because it's probably the most complex dairy beverage (which is interesting in its own right, in that it originated from a culture with little dairy-consumption on the whole). This is, of course, predicated on thinking that it has always been made with non-soy milk...I guess I don't know if that's the case, but I would assume it is. I could probably use wikipedia, but I'd rather keep this blog free of non-college approved sources.
I didn't say that last part about wikipedia as "tongue-in-cheekly" as it might have sounded, or even, you wanted it to sound, depending on who you are. My roommate last year always talked about how he wished wikipedia was an acceptable source. His argument was that it must be, because so many people make sure the information is correct all the time. The better argument (against it) is that the trustworthy information is already linked to an acceptable source, so you can still use it anyway, and just cite (and hopefully read) the original source instead of the wikipedia page. Wikipedia doesn't even trust itself as a source....how many times have you seen "citation required" after some claim? That's there for a reason...
I've been all over the place in this, which is fitting, because I've not been physically all over the place this week, as I was last week. "All over the place" is a strange saying....look at the assumption it places on the unity of the world....
I haven't talked much about my getting-to-Hillsdale adventures on here for awhile...
Right now, I'm at 61%, and I need to get as close to 100% by the end of the year as I can, because I am definitely starting on campus at the start of second semester.
If nothing else, it's exciting that I've got a concrete piece of life to count on, which had certainly not been the case since graduation.
I'm out of words to say, even though I don't feel like I've said anything at all.
-Zack
"Can't wait forever is all that you said, before you stood up"
-Glen Hansard
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Inherent Necessity
Last year, wait, really, one year ago today, I went to a concert. It was the best concert I had ever been to; it was Anberlin headlining with some great opening acts, in one of my favorite places to see a show, the House of Blues in Cleveland. I have a lot of personal reasons for really loving everything about that night (one of them, rather innocuously, being that I caught a drumstick at show's end, and that was quite the thrill).
But it was at that show that I began to realize who many of the people in that crowd were, who, indeed, even I was,in the great cultural flow of the United States.
If you're not familiar with Anberlin, I can best describe their music as "post-punk, indie,with shades of emo." I don't really believe emo exists as a musical genre because, at this point, it's been applied to basically everything from hardcore punk bands that sing about relationships to the heavier side of soft rock (ala The Fray). But many would call Anberlin "Emo" so that might help you understand their musical style. Quite honestly, they're one of very few "rock bands" I like these days, at least current rock bands. This post isn't about Anberlin though...it's about their existence and the existence of bands like them.
Genre issues arise often in music; from questioning validity (pop vs. hardcore punk) to just simply having no idea what to call something (hence the radical diversity and even, the existence of, the "singer-songwriter genre"). But I noticed something, standing there in that glorious throng of concert goers, one year ago this evening, something that undid what I had always thought with regard to the arguments and perplexities of genre-pidgeon-holing. It just doesn't matter, at least not there, not at that Anberlin concert.
There were four bands that night and they each had their own differences. I could probably assign genres to each of them if pressed, but for that night, I just don't think it mattered. The music sounded different but the message was always at least a variation on the same theme: we want to belong, we want to belong somewhere, despite our flaws, we want to love, despite our past, we want to be loved. It comes out all over the places and in many different ways. It's prevalent in all forms of music, of course, but I had never realized it until that night, that the music I was listening to and seeing performed live, was the anthem of a generation of people (kids, really, most of them younger than me) with no rallying cry and very little cultural currency.
Another common thread? Nearly everyone in that room was white. Not just the crowd, not just the H.O.B. staff, but the bands too.
For the last 50 years, white culture has been maligned and entirely justifiably so. 3/4 of my ancestors, and, most likely nearly all of yours (although I don't know who really reads this..) has become the ethnic majority in much of the world through the lie of innate superiority. That was eventually revealed as a lie, and the public discourse at least tries to be racially friendly these days. That is great. But what now exists is an entire generation of people- white people- my age and younger (and probably older too) that have largely grown up ashamed of their past. Even after civil rights, we represent cultural imperialism and hidden racism; corruption and greed; venomous humanism and destructive concepts of sexuality. This is true of other races as well, to an extent, but in America, the majority culture represents the major mood of the country, and I'm finding that it has nowhere to fall for support. That's where the most important side of post-modernism comes in. We don't just strive for community and experiential truth because we have given up on absolute truth and sound. We strive for community and experiential truth because we just need something that makes us feel whole, makes us feel human, because the truth of the past says we've been wrong forever. If we don't live in the moment and the future (and if that future doesn't look right), then the world looks, quite rightfully and understandably abysmal, because we have seen time and again how great individuals fail. At least together, at least, even, in failing together, we are together, and there is something to be said for love that transcends failure. Celebrating success is natural, but loving despite certain failure is beautiful. That's a paraphrase of Jesus actually, and a post-modern idiom.
From Matthew 5: "44But I tell you: Love your enemiesi]"and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"
The Kingdom of God is about decentering the reality we see. Post-moderism is about decentering the reality we've created. Put the two together....you've got the Christian worldview in a nutshell. Christianity is, essentially, the filtering of all things through the knowledge that God is over all, through all, and in all, in light of both the world's fallen state and the redemption through Christ's death and resurrection. It is the decentering of the world we see, by claiming it to be truly God's, and the decentering of the world we've created, by realizing that we see it with fallen eyes, and we must recenter it on God to actually know anything....and anything we know we only know through God's decision to allow it.
All of this is to say that white people of my generation are necessarily post-modern because our shared history has left what has been held as cultural centers and points of meaning to be worthless and ultimately harmful to the larger world. That is good though; with white culture, the culture I'm a part of, acknowledging that it is not the center (Post-modernism being, in its purest, most succinct form, the decentering of conceptions of reality), actual reconciliation can take place. There is no longer the either-or dichotomy, wherein helping others comes at the power-cost of the helper, or the empowerment of the downtrodden at the cost of the untrodden. Certainly, equaility has its hardships and cost, but they are transparent; while a white CEO may need to lose much of his power over his corporation to enter a co-CEO partnership with a black partner in business, the reality is that diversity has true, intrinsic value in allowing for the true wholeness of all humanity to be expressed. This is the unity of Ephesians; this is the chorus of all nations from Revelation.
-Zack
"If you are thinking, you are winning"
-Flobots
But it was at that show that I began to realize who many of the people in that crowd were, who, indeed, even I was,in the great cultural flow of the United States.
If you're not familiar with Anberlin, I can best describe their music as "post-punk, indie,with shades of emo." I don't really believe emo exists as a musical genre because, at this point, it's been applied to basically everything from hardcore punk bands that sing about relationships to the heavier side of soft rock (ala The Fray). But many would call Anberlin "Emo" so that might help you understand their musical style. Quite honestly, they're one of very few "rock bands" I like these days, at least current rock bands. This post isn't about Anberlin though...it's about their existence and the existence of bands like them.
Genre issues arise often in music; from questioning validity (pop vs. hardcore punk) to just simply having no idea what to call something (hence the radical diversity and even, the existence of, the "singer-songwriter genre"). But I noticed something, standing there in that glorious throng of concert goers, one year ago this evening, something that undid what I had always thought with regard to the arguments and perplexities of genre-pidgeon-holing. It just doesn't matter, at least not there, not at that Anberlin concert.
There were four bands that night and they each had their own differences. I could probably assign genres to each of them if pressed, but for that night, I just don't think it mattered. The music sounded different but the message was always at least a variation on the same theme: we want to belong, we want to belong somewhere, despite our flaws, we want to love, despite our past, we want to be loved. It comes out all over the places and in many different ways. It's prevalent in all forms of music, of course, but I had never realized it until that night, that the music I was listening to and seeing performed live, was the anthem of a generation of people (kids, really, most of them younger than me) with no rallying cry and very little cultural currency.
Another common thread? Nearly everyone in that room was white. Not just the crowd, not just the H.O.B. staff, but the bands too.
For the last 50 years, white culture has been maligned and entirely justifiably so. 3/4 of my ancestors, and, most likely nearly all of yours (although I don't know who really reads this..) has become the ethnic majority in much of the world through the lie of innate superiority. That was eventually revealed as a lie, and the public discourse at least tries to be racially friendly these days. That is great. But what now exists is an entire generation of people- white people- my age and younger (and probably older too) that have largely grown up ashamed of their past. Even after civil rights, we represent cultural imperialism and hidden racism; corruption and greed; venomous humanism and destructive concepts of sexuality. This is true of other races as well, to an extent, but in America, the majority culture represents the major mood of the country, and I'm finding that it has nowhere to fall for support. That's where the most important side of post-modernism comes in. We don't just strive for community and experiential truth because we have given up on absolute truth and sound. We strive for community and experiential truth because we just need something that makes us feel whole, makes us feel human, because the truth of the past says we've been wrong forever. If we don't live in the moment and the future (and if that future doesn't look right), then the world looks, quite rightfully and understandably abysmal, because we have seen time and again how great individuals fail. At least together, at least, even, in failing together, we are together, and there is something to be said for love that transcends failure. Celebrating success is natural, but loving despite certain failure is beautiful. That's a paraphrase of Jesus actually, and a post-modern idiom.
From Matthew 5: "44But I tell you: Love your enemiesi]"and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?"
The Kingdom of God is about decentering the reality we see. Post-moderism is about decentering the reality we've created. Put the two together....you've got the Christian worldview in a nutshell. Christianity is, essentially, the filtering of all things through the knowledge that God is over all, through all, and in all, in light of both the world's fallen state and the redemption through Christ's death and resurrection. It is the decentering of the world we see, by claiming it to be truly God's, and the decentering of the world we've created, by realizing that we see it with fallen eyes, and we must recenter it on God to actually know anything....and anything we know we only know through God's decision to allow it.
All of this is to say that white people of my generation are necessarily post-modern because our shared history has left what has been held as cultural centers and points of meaning to be worthless and ultimately harmful to the larger world. That is good though; with white culture, the culture I'm a part of, acknowledging that it is not the center (Post-modernism being, in its purest, most succinct form, the decentering of conceptions of reality), actual reconciliation can take place. There is no longer the either-or dichotomy, wherein helping others comes at the power-cost of the helper, or the empowerment of the downtrodden at the cost of the untrodden. Certainly, equaility has its hardships and cost, but they are transparent; while a white CEO may need to lose much of his power over his corporation to enter a co-CEO partnership with a black partner in business, the reality is that diversity has true, intrinsic value in allowing for the true wholeness of all humanity to be expressed. This is the unity of Ephesians; this is the chorus of all nations from Revelation.
-Zack
"If you are thinking, you are winning"
-Flobots
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Long Road Home
I'm in Wooster today, for the first time since June, and on campus for the first time since graduation. It's good to be here, but it's at least slightly strange. Things are slightly different, but always somewhat the same. The people change and the place progresses...but there is a sort of unchanging undercurrent, and it makes it feel eerily like home while being a place I've not been for so long. Sometimes you might hear the expression "you can never go home again" and I mostly agree, because home, at least as a place, will never be the same when you return. But Wooster seems to deny that maxim to some extent. But not entirely..... they moved some chairs that I had always used for long periods of reading...essentially destroying one of my favorite spots on campus... and people are so important to places, and so much of my love for Wooster has so much to do with the people, that as the people change, the place will certainly mean less and less...but there is something about being here too....there's a certain wonderful peace and a definite feeling of familiarity, even in the face of what has changed since May, that are beautiful and lovely.
I've been away from home since Monday, and it is great. I had been in Ann Arbor (which, despite the football team, is becoming one of my favorite cities) for an InterVarsity training event until yesterday, when I came to Wooster. I like being away from home, but it's a high-function sort of life right now (to a degree. today is definitely more relaxed) and I'll probably crash when I get home. But I do love seeing people I definitely do not see as much of as I would like or used to (and indeed both). It's strange, because sometimes I think of my life as transitional right now (and it is), but sometimes, I think of that as the reason that I don't see good friends with any degree of regularity. The reality of it all though, is that I'm not going to transition to a life where everyone lives close and I see everyone all the time or anything like that. In reality, I'm transitioning further away from everyone and everything than I already am. Life is a pulsing ball of energy.... it builds up then releases over and over and over. It builds up for 18 years, then releases everyone to college....then it builds up once more for 4 years, and releases everyone into the real world. Maybe that's why marriage is such a great thing...finally, in life, you find someone you want to keep for more than the building up of that energy ball, because for our entire lives, we're learning that eventually, that ball is going to release and you stand a good chance at losing everyone for long periods of time, and even then, it's never the same. Or maybe it's more... it's not just that you've found someone you want to keep around, but indeed, it's someone you feel like you must keep them around, like the scattering that comes with the next pulsation will be too much to bear, like it will destroy you if it flings that person too far from you.
That's how I feel about my life right now. It was a slight pulse I had no capacity to avoid, but the flinging was destructive and I'm doing what I can to put it back together, if I can.
I think I'm going to walk around campus a bit, because that sounds fun.
-Zack
"If love feels right
You work it out
You don't give it up"
-Tracy Chapman
I've been away from home since Monday, and it is great. I had been in Ann Arbor (which, despite the football team, is becoming one of my favorite cities) for an InterVarsity training event until yesterday, when I came to Wooster. I like being away from home, but it's a high-function sort of life right now (to a degree. today is definitely more relaxed) and I'll probably crash when I get home. But I do love seeing people I definitely do not see as much of as I would like or used to (and indeed both). It's strange, because sometimes I think of my life as transitional right now (and it is), but sometimes, I think of that as the reason that I don't see good friends with any degree of regularity. The reality of it all though, is that I'm not going to transition to a life where everyone lives close and I see everyone all the time or anything like that. In reality, I'm transitioning further away from everyone and everything than I already am. Life is a pulsing ball of energy.... it builds up then releases over and over and over. It builds up for 18 years, then releases everyone to college....then it builds up once more for 4 years, and releases everyone into the real world. Maybe that's why marriage is such a great thing...finally, in life, you find someone you want to keep for more than the building up of that energy ball, because for our entire lives, we're learning that eventually, that ball is going to release and you stand a good chance at losing everyone for long periods of time, and even then, it's never the same. Or maybe it's more... it's not just that you've found someone you want to keep around, but indeed, it's someone you feel like you must keep them around, like the scattering that comes with the next pulsation will be too much to bear, like it will destroy you if it flings that person too far from you.
That's how I feel about my life right now. It was a slight pulse I had no capacity to avoid, but the flinging was destructive and I'm doing what I can to put it back together, if I can.
I think I'm going to walk around campus a bit, because that sounds fun.
-Zack
"If love feels right
You work it out
You don't give it up"
-Tracy Chapman
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Walking Further
These weeks get long, when progress doesn't come and I'm not sure what to even do to move forward and work toward more progress. Sometimes it feels like I might never get to move on with my life.
But I know that isn't true, and prayerful patience is a good, appropriate, and productive response, when times get hard.
Lately, I've been reading a book that chronicles the history of InterVarsity. Technically, it was assigned for what will be the most refreshing three days of training I've ever experienced next week, but I have enjoyed greatly learning the past of the organization I work for and love so much. There are problems I never knew about and pieces of the past that I would have never guessed. There are also instances of ideas I've had already being tried and failing or succeeding, which is interesting in its own right. Throughout it all though, it has become remarkably clear that God wants a voice on campus, and no amount of organizational or administrative (or financial) hardship is going to prevent that. Before InterVarsity were organizations that did great things before falling apart in the face of theological uncertainty and a release of the gospel from the center of their purpose. Even so, it was not long thereafter that InterVarsity came along. Even if and after InterVarsity falls away (which I pray does not happen in my lifetime), God is going to raise up a new witness on campus. I've always considered the campus among the most important missionfields on Earth, and it is clear, from the history of InterVarsity, that, on that point, God agrees.
(if only I could find more people that decide to agree with their finances as well....)
I still have some snacks from the Urban Plunge. They're those little (well, maybe I shouldn't assume anything you might know about Chinese snacks...) individually packaged gelatin snacks that taste somewhere between the exact same, flavor to flavor, and remarkably strong. I like them passably, I guess... but I always forget and don't eat them too often. That, and no one else ever seems to want one. That's why I have so many.... someone bought them on the scavenger hunt then about no one else ate any of them during the week and no one else was willing to take them home.
Ah, the Urban Plunge reminds me of many great things....almost none of them have to do with the events of the plunge, but those were great too. If I ever get a choice to move back to an Ohio campus, I might let the Cleveland Urban Plunge swing my decision back to the Buckeye state. But I haven't even got to do anything in Michigan yet... I know I'm speaking too soon.
I feel like this is the political part of a blog-post from me, where I'll say something, usually ending in some kind of scathing remark about right-wing bigotry. But I've got nothing today. Nothing original at least.
My parents are spending the night in Toledo tonight because my mom has her State Nurses Board test at 8 a.m., and she, quite understandably, wants to be well rested. If you think about it, I'm sure she would appreciate your prayers, even if she doesn't know you're praying for her. I have been for awhile, but I've never told her, and I don't know if I could. I don't know why, but there's a sort of spiritual screen between my parents and I. It's not that we believe too many different things (well, we do differ here and there, definitely, but the essentials are essentially the same), but there's a sort of hierarchy of spirituality within my family that I definitely broke out of at college and now I'm not sure what to do with it at home. It's common, in IV circles, to say that a student has "made his or her faith his or her own," and that definitely happened to me, but I don't think my parents are all that enthused about it. I'm an un(and under)stated rebel against and unstated level of control they want to have over the spiritual lives of our family. They don't really go to church anymore on the excuse (and I call it that although it might be more legitimate than I am willing to give it credit) that they can't find a good church around here (the church they were going to dissolved and became a small group, which either dissolved as well, or they had to stop attending when my dad found a job), and I definitely feel a bit of resentment, week to week, when I ask them for the keys so I can go to church. Thankfully, they don't feel like they can really say anything all that disparaging about the fact that I'm regularly attending church, but I definitely feel resented for it. That's just part of the total spiritual environment at home, wherein it feels like mom and dad are spiritual enough for the rest of us, and they like it that way. Of course, the end result has been two other siblings that have turned, quite sharply, from faith, and me, who has transcended their "rule," which should be a good thing, but they treat it like a bad thing. Their attitude is reflected in their reaction to anything I have to say about InterVarsity. It's as if they resent the fact that I have been able (and heck, I'm just going to say it: called) to ministry then neither of them has; it's as if, in their mind(s), I think I'm better than them, when, in reality, in their eyes, that's impossible because they are the spiritual leaders of the house and everyone "beneath" must stay that way. That's probably a more accurate reason as to why they'll probably never give any financial support and why my mom always wants me to "put InterVarsity in the right place in my life; not as most important, but as something that might happen and focus on other things until it can." It's frustrating. I feel like I can't be myself at all because anything I could have to say about God is going to be taken as a challenge of their spiritual authority. My family has huge authority problems... if there is ever a question about something my mom says, it's automatically an affront to her place of authority. And there's definitely a trickle down....my sister is the same way, because "she's older." I just ignore it and move on the best I can. It's going to be hard to come back once I finally get to move, but hopefully time away can heal relationships.
I don't mean to make my family sound terrible. They aren't that bad.
Have a wonderful weekend, and watch the Office tonight!
-Zack
"The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies"
-Glen Hansard (Once)
But I know that isn't true, and prayerful patience is a good, appropriate, and productive response, when times get hard.
Lately, I've been reading a book that chronicles the history of InterVarsity. Technically, it was assigned for what will be the most refreshing three days of training I've ever experienced next week, but I have enjoyed greatly learning the past of the organization I work for and love so much. There are problems I never knew about and pieces of the past that I would have never guessed. There are also instances of ideas I've had already being tried and failing or succeeding, which is interesting in its own right. Throughout it all though, it has become remarkably clear that God wants a voice on campus, and no amount of organizational or administrative (or financial) hardship is going to prevent that. Before InterVarsity were organizations that did great things before falling apart in the face of theological uncertainty and a release of the gospel from the center of their purpose. Even so, it was not long thereafter that InterVarsity came along. Even if and after InterVarsity falls away (which I pray does not happen in my lifetime), God is going to raise up a new witness on campus. I've always considered the campus among the most important missionfields on Earth, and it is clear, from the history of InterVarsity, that, on that point, God agrees.
(if only I could find more people that decide to agree with their finances as well....)
I still have some snacks from the Urban Plunge. They're those little (well, maybe I shouldn't assume anything you might know about Chinese snacks...) individually packaged gelatin snacks that taste somewhere between the exact same, flavor to flavor, and remarkably strong. I like them passably, I guess... but I always forget and don't eat them too often. That, and no one else ever seems to want one. That's why I have so many.... someone bought them on the scavenger hunt then about no one else ate any of them during the week and no one else was willing to take them home.
Ah, the Urban Plunge reminds me of many great things....almost none of them have to do with the events of the plunge, but those were great too. If I ever get a choice to move back to an Ohio campus, I might let the Cleveland Urban Plunge swing my decision back to the Buckeye state. But I haven't even got to do anything in Michigan yet... I know I'm speaking too soon.
I feel like this is the political part of a blog-post from me, where I'll say something, usually ending in some kind of scathing remark about right-wing bigotry. But I've got nothing today. Nothing original at least.
My parents are spending the night in Toledo tonight because my mom has her State Nurses Board test at 8 a.m., and she, quite understandably, wants to be well rested. If you think about it, I'm sure she would appreciate your prayers, even if she doesn't know you're praying for her. I have been for awhile, but I've never told her, and I don't know if I could. I don't know why, but there's a sort of spiritual screen between my parents and I. It's not that we believe too many different things (well, we do differ here and there, definitely, but the essentials are essentially the same), but there's a sort of hierarchy of spirituality within my family that I definitely broke out of at college and now I'm not sure what to do with it at home. It's common, in IV circles, to say that a student has "made his or her faith his or her own," and that definitely happened to me, but I don't think my parents are all that enthused about it. I'm an un(and under)stated rebel against and unstated level of control they want to have over the spiritual lives of our family. They don't really go to church anymore on the excuse (and I call it that although it might be more legitimate than I am willing to give it credit) that they can't find a good church around here (the church they were going to dissolved and became a small group, which either dissolved as well, or they had to stop attending when my dad found a job), and I definitely feel a bit of resentment, week to week, when I ask them for the keys so I can go to church. Thankfully, they don't feel like they can really say anything all that disparaging about the fact that I'm regularly attending church, but I definitely feel resented for it. That's just part of the total spiritual environment at home, wherein it feels like mom and dad are spiritual enough for the rest of us, and they like it that way. Of course, the end result has been two other siblings that have turned, quite sharply, from faith, and me, who has transcended their "rule," which should be a good thing, but they treat it like a bad thing. Their attitude is reflected in their reaction to anything I have to say about InterVarsity. It's as if they resent the fact that I have been able (and heck, I'm just going to say it: called) to ministry then neither of them has; it's as if, in their mind(s), I think I'm better than them, when, in reality, in their eyes, that's impossible because they are the spiritual leaders of the house and everyone "beneath" must stay that way. That's probably a more accurate reason as to why they'll probably never give any financial support and why my mom always wants me to "put InterVarsity in the right place in my life; not as most important, but as something that might happen and focus on other things until it can." It's frustrating. I feel like I can't be myself at all because anything I could have to say about God is going to be taken as a challenge of their spiritual authority. My family has huge authority problems... if there is ever a question about something my mom says, it's automatically an affront to her place of authority. And there's definitely a trickle down....my sister is the same way, because "she's older." I just ignore it and move on the best I can. It's going to be hard to come back once I finally get to move, but hopefully time away can heal relationships.
I don't mean to make my family sound terrible. They aren't that bad.
Have a wonderful weekend, and watch the Office tonight!
-Zack
"The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies"
-Glen Hansard (Once)
Friday, October 9, 2009
The Facebook Status I was afraid to post.
"By being an American President that considers peace, goodwill, and humanity more important than cultural imperialism, Barak Obama is worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize. Being the most powerful man in the world and caring at all about the rest of the world is both rare (see the last 150 years...) and important... more so than we might realize from within the United States. Thankfully, the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded, primarily, by non-Americans. "
If I weren't facebook friends with my parents, I would probably have posted it.
If I weren't on staff at Hillsdale, I would probably have posted it.
But I am both of those things, so I did not.
-Zack
"Tonight I'm gonna break away, just you wait and see"
-Poco
If I weren't facebook friends with my parents, I would probably have posted it.
If I weren't on staff at Hillsdale, I would probably have posted it.
But I am both of those things, so I did not.
-Zack
"Tonight I'm gonna break away, just you wait and see"
-Poco
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Issues with Prepositions
I recently started following another staff-member's blog... she's actually in my area, at Albion College. When I get to Hillsdale, she'll be the closest staff, geographically, and at the other "small, liberal arts school" in the mid-michigan area. When I first saw her blog, I thought "that's funny, we have the same title." But we don't. Her's is titled "Pursuing the Kingdom" while mine, as you can see, is in the passive voice and uses two prepositions (well, inasmuch as "in" is a preposition... it's sort of a shadow word that floats between grammatical designations without much regard for "used-as" denominations). That probably reflects on how stilted my writing style is; on one hand, it drips of legal proceeding and long, feels-like-run-on-if-they-aren't (but often are...) sentences, and on the other hand, I have a high regard for the usefulness and legitimacy of the vernacular. And I say things like "legitimacy of the vernacular...."
I don't know if I have much to share today. Well, I don't know if I have much to write today. I just know I was sitting at my computer, as I do, seeing what I can do to further the Kingdom of God (which, still, means raising money), when it came into my mind that "it is time to write." Because it's Thursday, that meant writing my only regular entry into this blog. I think I spoke of my aversion to the word "blog" in one of the earliest posts since I switched to blogspot after xanga, but it's really grown on me in the past few months. I don't know if that's an example of such an event or not, but it reminds me of how the best way to get God to convince you of something is to tell him how much you're against it. One of my colleagues, the colleague many of you know best (and the colleague I know best) once said he went to China in part because he had written out a veritable checklist of reasons he didn't want to or couldn't go. Unfortunately, telling God how much I love raising money and would hate to get to campus hasn't yielded any results thus far... Of course, God knows our hearts, and I haven't actually prayed that prayer because I know it would be a lie. I do enjoy Fund Development more than I ever thought I would, but it's gotten long, and arduous at this point, and sometimes it feels hopeless. But all in God's time...all in God's time. That's the phrase that repeats in my mind more than any other at this point in my life.
I have recently realized that there is an Urbana this year. I've known that for years, I've been registered for months, but it finally seems real again. I think Urbana '06 is such a mental, emotional, and spiritual signpost and romanticized artifact in my personal history that it's hard to believe something like that could ever happen again. After all, there is no clear time when I'll be going back to China (but I cannot wait to do so), and I will never be at SLT as a student again. Indeed, no one will, as it's now The InterVarsity Leadership Institute: IVLI. But Urbana is coming, and I will be staffing it, but so much of the magic, well, that's probably exactly the wrong word to use, but I would love to reclaim magic as an emotion instead of a demonic thing that I'll use it, of Urbana is seeing all of the people there to worship the Lord and allow him to guide their lives. That's not going to change no matter my role.... that, and it's so large that staffing it isn't going to change my own perception of it unless I end up leading worship, speaking, or directing it (which I would be amazed if God ever allowed me to even think about doing one of those things...), because it is so large and there are so many staff that my small part isn't going to be big enough to overtake the larger perception of Urbana... not like at SLT or a conference, where you're very much behind the scenes and in front of the crowd for much of the time. But, I haven't recieved my assignment yet... I could get something that greatly changes how I experience Urbana. Of course, at this point, I probably won't be having my travel reimbursed, and I don't know if that also means I won't actually be staffing it... if that's the case, I'm still going. Missing Urbana is not just the equivalent, but the absolute epitome of missing the biggest party of the triannum.
I've been told, recently, that my open honesty without much prodding or reason to be so open was interesting and unusual. Maybe that's true, I don't know. As far as I can tell, if I weren't open, I wouldn't be alive. I guess that just goes along with who I am, and probably who many of you are, and maybe even with the level of trust that builds itself into personal confidence that comes with a Wooster education. I know who I am enough, and what I can do enough, and what is off-limits enough, to be able to allow the rest of everything to flow freely without much fear. That, and with about 6-7 years of blogging experience at this point, I'm pretty good at sharing relatively inconsequential things with anyone who will take the time to read them. Of course, if you were to plunge the depths of other blogs, perhaps specifically xanga.com/dulacian, you'd find that I have had my issues with saying too much sometimes...
I watched a brilliant film yesterday. It's called "Once." Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. It's an Irish film about a street performer and an effort to make it big. But it's about a lot more than that too, and it's beautiful. It will take a lot to list anything else as my favorite movie of the year, come January 1st.
I've also been reading an atrocious book; 2die4, by Ryan Dobson, and yes, his dad is who you think he is. Perhaps that should have tipped me off to begin with, but my issues are less with why I dislike his father's ministry and more with the fact that Ryan Dobson should not have a public life, or he should try to have one that is actually Ryan Dobson. Why do Christians look hypocritical? Because there's nothing real about people like Dobson jr. His book is less than 100 pages of the most manufactured "hard-core, extreme sports, thousand-foot-krutchified" garbage I've ever encountered. I am a book snob and when it comes to Christianity mixed with books, I get pretty high-brow. But there's no reason to believe that's the only reason no one should spend money on "2die4." It's not even theologically sound or anything short of troubling, which is absolutely preposterous considering it's basically offering a k-2nd grade understanding of spirituality. Here's a paraphrase (far better written than the book is apparently capable of producing:) "It's a good thing that Christians are dying for their faith because that means Jesus will be back as soon as possible." It's the old "the world's not perfect so the only moral issues we should care about are homosexuality and abortion" argument. He basically says that because the Bible says martyrs are always going to exist, we should do all we can to die for our faith too and let Jesus come back sooner. I'm sorry Mr. Dobson, but wrong is still wrong and we are unequivocally called to come out against injustice. That's like saying Judas was in the moral right. No, he wasn't, it doesn't matter. Of course he had to do what he did, but that doesn't make betrayal right. It's like saying Nebuchadnezzer was right for throwing Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the furnace because it led to greater faith in God in Babylon. No, that's just not the case. Just because God can and will redeem bad actions and injustice for the better, doesn't make them right from the beginning. It's spiritual "ends justifies the meansing" and it's preposterous. Yeah, technically the a-bomb that killed hundreds of thousands in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki might have saved a raw number of lives, but that doesn't make killing hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians right (especially since we don't actually know the casualty count that "might" have happened had the war stayed non-nuclear).
Pray, act, and strive for peace and justice.
-Zack
"Fight with our hopes and our hearts and our hands
we're the architects of our last stand"
-Flobots
I don't know if I have much to share today. Well, I don't know if I have much to write today. I just know I was sitting at my computer, as I do, seeing what I can do to further the Kingdom of God (which, still, means raising money), when it came into my mind that "it is time to write." Because it's Thursday, that meant writing my only regular entry into this blog. I think I spoke of my aversion to the word "blog" in one of the earliest posts since I switched to blogspot after xanga, but it's really grown on me in the past few months. I don't know if that's an example of such an event or not, but it reminds me of how the best way to get God to convince you of something is to tell him how much you're against it. One of my colleagues, the colleague many of you know best (and the colleague I know best) once said he went to China in part because he had written out a veritable checklist of reasons he didn't want to or couldn't go. Unfortunately, telling God how much I love raising money and would hate to get to campus hasn't yielded any results thus far... Of course, God knows our hearts, and I haven't actually prayed that prayer because I know it would be a lie. I do enjoy Fund Development more than I ever thought I would, but it's gotten long, and arduous at this point, and sometimes it feels hopeless. But all in God's time...all in God's time. That's the phrase that repeats in my mind more than any other at this point in my life.
I have recently realized that there is an Urbana this year. I've known that for years, I've been registered for months, but it finally seems real again. I think Urbana '06 is such a mental, emotional, and spiritual signpost and romanticized artifact in my personal history that it's hard to believe something like that could ever happen again. After all, there is no clear time when I'll be going back to China (but I cannot wait to do so), and I will never be at SLT as a student again. Indeed, no one will, as it's now The InterVarsity Leadership Institute: IVLI. But Urbana is coming, and I will be staffing it, but so much of the magic, well, that's probably exactly the wrong word to use, but I would love to reclaim magic as an emotion instead of a demonic thing that I'll use it, of Urbana is seeing all of the people there to worship the Lord and allow him to guide their lives. That's not going to change no matter my role.... that, and it's so large that staffing it isn't going to change my own perception of it unless I end up leading worship, speaking, or directing it (which I would be amazed if God ever allowed me to even think about doing one of those things...), because it is so large and there are so many staff that my small part isn't going to be big enough to overtake the larger perception of Urbana... not like at SLT or a conference, where you're very much behind the scenes and in front of the crowd for much of the time. But, I haven't recieved my assignment yet... I could get something that greatly changes how I experience Urbana. Of course, at this point, I probably won't be having my travel reimbursed, and I don't know if that also means I won't actually be staffing it... if that's the case, I'm still going. Missing Urbana is not just the equivalent, but the absolute epitome of missing the biggest party of the triannum.
I've been told, recently, that my open honesty without much prodding or reason to be so open was interesting and unusual. Maybe that's true, I don't know. As far as I can tell, if I weren't open, I wouldn't be alive. I guess that just goes along with who I am, and probably who many of you are, and maybe even with the level of trust that builds itself into personal confidence that comes with a Wooster education. I know who I am enough, and what I can do enough, and what is off-limits enough, to be able to allow the rest of everything to flow freely without much fear. That, and with about 6-7 years of blogging experience at this point, I'm pretty good at sharing relatively inconsequential things with anyone who will take the time to read them. Of course, if you were to plunge the depths of other blogs, perhaps specifically xanga.com/dulacian, you'd find that I have had my issues with saying too much sometimes...
I watched a brilliant film yesterday. It's called "Once." Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. It's an Irish film about a street performer and an effort to make it big. But it's about a lot more than that too, and it's beautiful. It will take a lot to list anything else as my favorite movie of the year, come January 1st.
I've also been reading an atrocious book; 2die4, by Ryan Dobson, and yes, his dad is who you think he is. Perhaps that should have tipped me off to begin with, but my issues are less with why I dislike his father's ministry and more with the fact that Ryan Dobson should not have a public life, or he should try to have one that is actually Ryan Dobson. Why do Christians look hypocritical? Because there's nothing real about people like Dobson jr. His book is less than 100 pages of the most manufactured "hard-core, extreme sports, thousand-foot-krutchified" garbage I've ever encountered. I am a book snob and when it comes to Christianity mixed with books, I get pretty high-brow. But there's no reason to believe that's the only reason no one should spend money on "2die4." It's not even theologically sound or anything short of troubling, which is absolutely preposterous considering it's basically offering a k-2nd grade understanding of spirituality. Here's a paraphrase (far better written than the book is apparently capable of producing:) "It's a good thing that Christians are dying for their faith because that means Jesus will be back as soon as possible." It's the old "the world's not perfect so the only moral issues we should care about are homosexuality and abortion" argument. He basically says that because the Bible says martyrs are always going to exist, we should do all we can to die for our faith too and let Jesus come back sooner. I'm sorry Mr. Dobson, but wrong is still wrong and we are unequivocally called to come out against injustice. That's like saying Judas was in the moral right. No, he wasn't, it doesn't matter. Of course he had to do what he did, but that doesn't make betrayal right. It's like saying Nebuchadnezzer was right for throwing Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the furnace because it led to greater faith in God in Babylon. No, that's just not the case. Just because God can and will redeem bad actions and injustice for the better, doesn't make them right from the beginning. It's spiritual "ends justifies the meansing" and it's preposterous. Yeah, technically the a-bomb that killed hundreds of thousands in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki might have saved a raw number of lives, but that doesn't make killing hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians right (especially since we don't actually know the casualty count that "might" have happened had the war stayed non-nuclear).
Pray, act, and strive for peace and justice.
-Zack
"Fight with our hopes and our hearts and our hands
we're the architects of our last stand"
-Flobots
Monday, October 5, 2009
Warning: This post is just about sports
I was uncharacteristically quiet about football on facebook this week. There are 3 reasons:
1. Ohio State played a night game against Indiana. Indiana isn't a big enough deal to make anything of in the morning, and I didn't get to facebook much throughout the day...ironically, unlike a lot of people, I tend to stay away from facebook on weekends because I find myself there a lot of the week, while I'm working... sometimes it's for work, sometimes it's to kill time...it's often in between.
2. The Packers didn't play yesterday, they play today.
3. I am a big bag of mixed emotions about tonight's game and that's why I'm even writing this right now. Well, that and it's very on my mind and I budget 4-5 each day to write if there isn't anything else that must be done by the end of the day.
As you probably know, if the title didn't keep you from reading this, Brett Favre used to be the quarterback for the Packers. That's an understatement though... he wasn't just the quarterback for the Packers, not to me. He really was a childhood hero. I've loved the Packers since I loved football, which has been most of my life but not all of it. God was kind enough to let me be born at the perfect time, when the Browns wouldn't exist as I came of Football-fan age, and I was sort of a fan free-agent... it was the year before the Packers made it to their first superbowl with Favre, and I always heard about Reggie White in church, so I decided I liked the Packers.
Initially, and still to an extent, I was a defense guy. My favorite player was Reggie White, then LeRoy Butler. But of course I loved some guys on offense too... Bubba Franks, Dorsey Levens, Ahman Green, Antonio Freeman, Javon Walker... Samkon Gado even I loved all those guys, some of them more than Favre at times. But Favre always stuck around. He was the superman... the constant that delivered when others left or retired. And he became a thing of personal legend and mythology. When the critics said he was washed up, the Packers got back to the NFC championship game. It's been said, a lot, that he throws a lot of interceptions but makes a lot of great plays, so "you live and you die by him." That happened a lot, and I think part of the love I have (or had?) for Brett Favre was having to live and die by him, every Sunday. It wasn't easy to lose on his interceptions, but it was better than having a sterilized, weak, cautious guy with no superbowl rings by a long shot.
But now he's a Viking. In my lifetime, the Vikings are the Packers' biggest rival. Sure, it will always be the Bears, but they haven't been too great for awhile and there's a certain respect between the Bears and Packers... but the Vikings are the team the Packers hate, and I think it's mutual, because the rivalry isn't something of old... it comes from trading blows and ruining seasons year in and year out.
I should feel really heartbroken, really betrayed.
Part of me does.
A lot of me doesn't (and part of that a lot is the part that acknowledges it's just football and it's not ever Ohio State).
I find it hard to hate Brett Favre because I don't know if I want to return his disloyalty with my own.... I'm probably far too moralistic about the whole thing, but why return wrong with wrong? There are so many good memories...so many incredible memories... not even just in seeing him play, but in my personal life, largely because of him. I remember how he came through with one of the best games by a quarterback of all time on Monday Night Football while I was in High School, the night after his dad died and one of my friends had me over just to see how I crumbled when the Packers lost to the Raiders. But that night, as much fun as it was seeing that, was more about cultivating and nurturing a friendship I hold to this day than it was about Brett Favre... but it was because of Brett Favre.
It's just hard to hate someone that I feel has done so much for me. And of course it wasn't really for me, and of course he has done things that are just for him and all about him... but even so, I hold a place in my heart for him (my football heart...as much as that matters, which is probably very little) that I can't get rid of... it's kind of like when you break up a great relationship... no matter how bad the breakup is, there's always a little part of your heart that appreciates the good times, even if you could never get back together. At least I do...but I'm highly sentimental, if you haven't learned anything else about me from this yet....
I will be rooting for the Packers tonight... team before individual, and especially team before traitor... but I will always hope the best for Brett Favre, as far as it doesn't hurt the Packers. Unfortunately, as a Viking, that will be rare... and he brought it upon himself.
Follow me on twitter for updates throughout the game (after Heroes...): @dulacian
-Zack
" if it hits, better make it worth the fall"
-Keri Hilson
1. Ohio State played a night game against Indiana. Indiana isn't a big enough deal to make anything of in the morning, and I didn't get to facebook much throughout the day...ironically, unlike a lot of people, I tend to stay away from facebook on weekends because I find myself there a lot of the week, while I'm working... sometimes it's for work, sometimes it's to kill time...it's often in between.
2. The Packers didn't play yesterday, they play today.
3. I am a big bag of mixed emotions about tonight's game and that's why I'm even writing this right now. Well, that and it's very on my mind and I budget 4-5 each day to write if there isn't anything else that must be done by the end of the day.
As you probably know, if the title didn't keep you from reading this, Brett Favre used to be the quarterback for the Packers. That's an understatement though... he wasn't just the quarterback for the Packers, not to me. He really was a childhood hero. I've loved the Packers since I loved football, which has been most of my life but not all of it. God was kind enough to let me be born at the perfect time, when the Browns wouldn't exist as I came of Football-fan age, and I was sort of a fan free-agent... it was the year before the Packers made it to their first superbowl with Favre, and I always heard about Reggie White in church, so I decided I liked the Packers.
Initially, and still to an extent, I was a defense guy. My favorite player was Reggie White, then LeRoy Butler. But of course I loved some guys on offense too... Bubba Franks, Dorsey Levens, Ahman Green, Antonio Freeman, Javon Walker... Samkon Gado even I loved all those guys, some of them more than Favre at times. But Favre always stuck around. He was the superman... the constant that delivered when others left or retired. And he became a thing of personal legend and mythology. When the critics said he was washed up, the Packers got back to the NFC championship game. It's been said, a lot, that he throws a lot of interceptions but makes a lot of great plays, so "you live and you die by him." That happened a lot, and I think part of the love I have (or had?) for Brett Favre was having to live and die by him, every Sunday. It wasn't easy to lose on his interceptions, but it was better than having a sterilized, weak, cautious guy with no superbowl rings by a long shot.
But now he's a Viking. In my lifetime, the Vikings are the Packers' biggest rival. Sure, it will always be the Bears, but they haven't been too great for awhile and there's a certain respect between the Bears and Packers... but the Vikings are the team the Packers hate, and I think it's mutual, because the rivalry isn't something of old... it comes from trading blows and ruining seasons year in and year out.
I should feel really heartbroken, really betrayed.
Part of me does.
A lot of me doesn't (and part of that a lot is the part that acknowledges it's just football and it's not ever Ohio State).
I find it hard to hate Brett Favre because I don't know if I want to return his disloyalty with my own.... I'm probably far too moralistic about the whole thing, but why return wrong with wrong? There are so many good memories...so many incredible memories... not even just in seeing him play, but in my personal life, largely because of him. I remember how he came through with one of the best games by a quarterback of all time on Monday Night Football while I was in High School, the night after his dad died and one of my friends had me over just to see how I crumbled when the Packers lost to the Raiders. But that night, as much fun as it was seeing that, was more about cultivating and nurturing a friendship I hold to this day than it was about Brett Favre... but it was because of Brett Favre.
It's just hard to hate someone that I feel has done so much for me. And of course it wasn't really for me, and of course he has done things that are just for him and all about him... but even so, I hold a place in my heart for him (my football heart...as much as that matters, which is probably very little) that I can't get rid of... it's kind of like when you break up a great relationship... no matter how bad the breakup is, there's always a little part of your heart that appreciates the good times, even if you could never get back together. At least I do...but I'm highly sentimental, if you haven't learned anything else about me from this yet....
I will be rooting for the Packers tonight... team before individual, and especially team before traitor... but I will always hope the best for Brett Favre, as far as it doesn't hurt the Packers. Unfortunately, as a Viking, that will be rare... and he brought it upon himself.
Follow me on twitter for updates throughout the game (after Heroes...): @dulacian
-Zack
" if it hits, better make it worth the fall"
-Keri Hilson
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Reprising the Now and Not Yet
I've come to terms with things this week. Well, these past two weeks. Many things. Or, at least, important things.
One of them, perhaps the most important, is that I've been creating urgency about Hillsdale. The world's not ending while I'm not on campus. Sure, it would make my life a lot easier if all of my funding was in and I was on campus right now, doing my thing and getting paid and preaching the Gospel. That's what I'm best at, because it's what I've been doing for the last three years. But I'm definitely not best at raising money and I'm definitely not best at being patient, and I am very very far from being best at letting things go to God and trusting in his divine timing. I'm working on it though.... I'm working on it mostly, right now, aside from the baselines stuff of prayer and Bible Study, by being diligent and unworried, all at once...a sort of divine passivity, I believe I heard our Regional Director refer to it once or twice. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing as faithfully and diligently as possible, and God will provide, maybe even with miracles, when it's his time to do that....and he knows when that will be. He wants me here right now, and he might want me here into next semester. I've come to terms with that, and it's made my life a lot more peaceful. All that being said, I'm not going to stop working as hard as I can.
I've also come to terms with the fact that it's been a year, well, will have been a year, since Meg and I ended our relationship, and it was good that it ended then as well as being good that I've not ended up in a relationship since. I might not be in a relationship by May either, which would be the longest I've been single since I started dating between my sophomore and junior years of high school. Even so, that is good. I've learned a lot about myself, a lot about what I need from a relationship, and a lot about, even, what I want in a relationship. With regard to this, I've let myself succumb to unspoken and unintended peer pressure. No one really cared, and no one said anything, but I felt a bit of pressure (probably, even, self-applied), when I was one of the few WCF graduates outside of committed relationships or engagements (or, as last weekend showed us, near engagements...). Sometimes, when I think about the "facts," I can make myself feel left out or behind, when I think about how many classmates I have that are now married, or how many of them are engaged, or how many of them have told me they plan to be engaged soon...or at least are with the person they intended to marry. But I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that. I only know that though, because I know God's put me here for a reason. The past year has been hard for many reasons a lot of the time. But God's been pulling me along, as if by a string, the whole time, and what could be or would be that has not been was never intended to be. I'm single now for a reason. I'm still in Ohio now, for a reason. If I'm totally honest, I want both of those facts to change as quickly as possible. But very little of either is in my control...and I'm alright with that.
I'm compiling a "top 100 songs of the decade" playlist on my computer. It's been fun so far, but right now, I've just been adding songs to a playlist in a sort of "nomination" capacity. The hard part will be making decisions and cuts. I'll probably post the list on facebook with a few explanations, when it's finished. I might post it here too...I don't know. Even in going through all of the songs I've got (through artist name starting with R) (the most important stipulation is that I have to have the song on my computer...), I have no idea what the song of the decade might be. That's generally unimportant...but I'll come up with something...probably arbitrary.
I'm in the process of developing a daily routine...like, a precise daily routine. I'm pretty "NP" as they say in the Meyers-Briggs world, so schedules don't really come naturally to me...but structure is good for everyone. What I enjoy most is that the book that's compelled me to do this ("Ordering your Private World", by Gordon McDonald) says it's good to schedule time to write and read into your day if it fits and fits your occupation. I think it fits mine...and since I do often run out of things to do in the mid-afternoon, it fits nicely, and I can do it (like right now), without feeling like I should be doing something else...because I have the time scheduled in to make sure I do what I have to do. That's basic, and probably something most people already know...but I've been coasting through life on talent alone til now, and I'm enjoying working through life on developing skill and personal growth.
The NHL season starts today...or tomorrow...this weekend, sometime, for sure. Since I don't live in Michigan yet, I can still be a Canadiens fan. Well, I might stay one anyway....but I might change too, if the Red Wings and their fans become compelling while I'm there.
I don't really care about Hockey though...
I think that's all I've got for now. I feel like I had more to say in this week's post at some point earlier in the week, but I forgot it all now.
Recommendations for the week:
See:
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Tim Burton version...yes, there are other versions more readily available than you might be inclined to believe)
The Best Years of Our Lives (Old movie about 3 men coming home from WWII. Aside from it's pro-war bent that sometimes appears, it's a remarkable film)
Everything is Illuminated (incredible post-modern road film starring Elijah Wood, directed by Liev Schreiber. You won't be disappointed)
Watch:
The Office. the wedding is next week
Read:
The Land, by Mildred Tyler
Ordering Your Private World, by Gordon McDonald
(Although I doubt you missed it, I'll tell you anyway; I consider movie-viewing an act of seeing and television-viewing an act of watching...I have a reason, and I might explain it sometime)
avec la paix,
-Zack
"Home, where I wanted to go"
-Coldplay
One of them, perhaps the most important, is that I've been creating urgency about Hillsdale. The world's not ending while I'm not on campus. Sure, it would make my life a lot easier if all of my funding was in and I was on campus right now, doing my thing and getting paid and preaching the Gospel. That's what I'm best at, because it's what I've been doing for the last three years. But I'm definitely not best at raising money and I'm definitely not best at being patient, and I am very very far from being best at letting things go to God and trusting in his divine timing. I'm working on it though.... I'm working on it mostly, right now, aside from the baselines stuff of prayer and Bible Study, by being diligent and unworried, all at once...a sort of divine passivity, I believe I heard our Regional Director refer to it once or twice. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing as faithfully and diligently as possible, and God will provide, maybe even with miracles, when it's his time to do that....and he knows when that will be. He wants me here right now, and he might want me here into next semester. I've come to terms with that, and it's made my life a lot more peaceful. All that being said, I'm not going to stop working as hard as I can.
I've also come to terms with the fact that it's been a year, well, will have been a year, since Meg and I ended our relationship, and it was good that it ended then as well as being good that I've not ended up in a relationship since. I might not be in a relationship by May either, which would be the longest I've been single since I started dating between my sophomore and junior years of high school. Even so, that is good. I've learned a lot about myself, a lot about what I need from a relationship, and a lot about, even, what I want in a relationship. With regard to this, I've let myself succumb to unspoken and unintended peer pressure. No one really cared, and no one said anything, but I felt a bit of pressure (probably, even, self-applied), when I was one of the few WCF graduates outside of committed relationships or engagements (or, as last weekend showed us, near engagements...). Sometimes, when I think about the "facts," I can make myself feel left out or behind, when I think about how many classmates I have that are now married, or how many of them are engaged, or how many of them have told me they plan to be engaged soon...or at least are with the person they intended to marry. But I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that. I only know that though, because I know God's put me here for a reason. The past year has been hard for many reasons a lot of the time. But God's been pulling me along, as if by a string, the whole time, and what could be or would be that has not been was never intended to be. I'm single now for a reason. I'm still in Ohio now, for a reason. If I'm totally honest, I want both of those facts to change as quickly as possible. But very little of either is in my control...and I'm alright with that.
I'm compiling a "top 100 songs of the decade" playlist on my computer. It's been fun so far, but right now, I've just been adding songs to a playlist in a sort of "nomination" capacity. The hard part will be making decisions and cuts. I'll probably post the list on facebook with a few explanations, when it's finished. I might post it here too...I don't know. Even in going through all of the songs I've got (through artist name starting with R) (the most important stipulation is that I have to have the song on my computer...), I have no idea what the song of the decade might be. That's generally unimportant...but I'll come up with something...probably arbitrary.
I'm in the process of developing a daily routine...like, a precise daily routine. I'm pretty "NP" as they say in the Meyers-Briggs world, so schedules don't really come naturally to me...but structure is good for everyone. What I enjoy most is that the book that's compelled me to do this ("Ordering your Private World", by Gordon McDonald) says it's good to schedule time to write and read into your day if it fits and fits your occupation. I think it fits mine...and since I do often run out of things to do in the mid-afternoon, it fits nicely, and I can do it (like right now), without feeling like I should be doing something else...because I have the time scheduled in to make sure I do what I have to do. That's basic, and probably something most people already know...but I've been coasting through life on talent alone til now, and I'm enjoying working through life on developing skill and personal growth.
The NHL season starts today...or tomorrow...this weekend, sometime, for sure. Since I don't live in Michigan yet, I can still be a Canadiens fan. Well, I might stay one anyway....but I might change too, if the Red Wings and their fans become compelling while I'm there.
I don't really care about Hockey though...
I think that's all I've got for now. I feel like I had more to say in this week's post at some point earlier in the week, but I forgot it all now.
Recommendations for the week:
See:
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Tim Burton version...yes, there are other versions more readily available than you might be inclined to believe)
The Best Years of Our Lives (Old movie about 3 men coming home from WWII. Aside from it's pro-war bent that sometimes appears, it's a remarkable film)
Everything is Illuminated (incredible post-modern road film starring Elijah Wood, directed by Liev Schreiber. You won't be disappointed)
Watch:
The Office. the wedding is next week
Read:
The Land, by Mildred Tyler
Ordering Your Private World, by Gordon McDonald
(Although I doubt you missed it, I'll tell you anyway; I consider movie-viewing an act of seeing and television-viewing an act of watching...I have a reason, and I might explain it sometime)
avec la paix,
-Zack
"Home, where I wanted to go"
-Coldplay
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