Lacking the Adjectives

I wish I had an adjective, for this right now.  It's like liminality without the vacuum.  I've long said we've got to learn to live liminally, and I'm not backing down from that. But it's the vacuum we've got to adjust to in doing that, because the feeling, this feeling I'm feeling right now, is exhilirating.  It's the reason, I think, more than any other (well, aside from liminality's simple existence as truest reality), that I've ever encouraged it.

It's something akin to standing, as I would imagine it, on the precipice, of all that is and all that is to cwas and ever wt will ever be in light of all that was and ever was meant to be.

But standing on a precipice is a metaphor we often use to describe being at the beginning of something.  More accurately, if we get all Hillsdalian on the words, it's probably describing the feeling of nearly diving.  I don't care about meanings, I just want a word to describe how I feel like I'm feeling now, and if I made up that word, it would be precipal.  But at least firefox says that isn't a word.

And while I feel like I'm standing on a precipice, that implies some waiting, and nothing is waiting.  Full steam ahead, everything is moving, constantly barreling toward eternity.  And that makes it sound like I've got no control...while it often feels like that, I don't think it's true at all, at least in the measured, self-control sort of way we ought to have as people who have ultimately handed all control over to God.  I'm not sure why I bother explaining things like that when I just mean to say what I mean and what I feel then leave it at that.

Here's a list:

The NBA season starts tomorrow.  It's basically a holiday I'm missing because of the ATM the next day.

I'm getting married next November.  Being engaged is culturally sanctioned and encouraged liminality.  That, in every other context, is a pure paradox, especially at Hillsdale.

I feel like I need to write more, for a lot of reasons, and one of them is because even Eminem is convicting me of that fact these days.

The simple fact of being here when everything else is there is by its very nature a sort of liminality.  That's always been true of my life when my physical location happens to be Michigan, but it'd be a lie to say it's not increasing every single day.

And everything feels like it's going to converge eventually, and that's a good thing.  It's the essence of why I need a new word.  If this were just liminality, I'd be feeling an incoherent disconnect, but if anything, it seems I'm somewhere in between that disconnect and some kind of coming together of everything that ever was or ever will be in my life.

I can't help but sort of slip into talking like Gandalf sometimes, or at least Stephen Dedalus...and that itself makes too much sense.

But we always need words.  That's the basic human struggle to reconcile to each other and to God, and it's the struggle that only finds its completion in and through Christ.  Words that are communication, words that are wholeness.  In the beginning was the word and until we got him, we had little, and yet he always has been.

Language is completely pliable, but the word that is the essence of God and is Christ, is somehow the only truly trustworthy thing we can know.  That is an underrated miracle.

-Zack

"right now we just ridin on love and shinin in dark"
-Lil Wayne

Light Place

So it's official.  But I guess I probably have some explaining to do.

Most people who read this, if not all, should know by now, but the story hasn't really shot forth with any degree of certainty at any point in time.....but I'm engaged now, engaged to be married, next November, next November 19th, in Findlay, Ohio, it would seem.  Oh, but it would do more than seem...it would be.  It is...to be.


I don't quite feel like turning this into any sort of story time.  There will be a time and a place for some kind of officiality for that sort of thing, on "theknot.com" or whatever...and it's just not my style.

But it happened and it happened wonderfully in a room that started some brilliant things in my life...twice now.

We were in the same room where my small group met Freshman year at Wooster.  It wasn't planned at all...it was just the best spot because all of the other buildings were locked.  I wasn't quite planning to make it happen quite when it happened...but it happened, I just knew it was the right time, so it happened.  I was glad to get the ring box out of my pocket at the time.


It has been a whirlwind ever since, and part of me has felt a little guilty because my outward excitement has been a bit less than most peoples, even though I'm one of the concerned parties...but it's because I've known it was coming for awhile now and ultimately had control over it.  Maybe it's a bit unfair, to that end...the guy gets no surprises.


But I already can't wait, for next November.  I already can't wait for the rest of my life.  Our lives.


Ah, to document those changes, to trace the shift.  I can't wait but I had no idea what to expect...not really, at all. 


God grows us deeper, he grows us stronger, he grows us together sometimes.  And when that happens, the only step to take is often forward.


-Zack

"Leave me wanting the rest of your life"
-Anberlin