This two-part series turned trilogy has reached its conclusion. Law school is back in full swing, already 3 days in the books.
2L year, in the trilogy of lawschool years, is supposedly the "work you to death" year, sandwiched between the "scare you to death" and "bore you to death" iterations. Only three days in, I can see how that's the case, but I've also realized that we've all become adjusted to the work that will be required.
Perhaps its the lack of active scare tactics on the part of the faculty (though I'm not sure how much they ever really existed), but everyone is much less uptight now. Perhaps it's because we've stratified around our class ranks. Perhaps its because we've all realized that even getting here is an accomplishment and moving forward is more important (finally) than being better than everyone else. 1L year is spasmodic. Everyone thinks they can be ranked number 1. After first semester, when only one person is, the pressure just intensifies as job interviews begin and summer plans start to formulate. It even carries into the summer a bit, as people make their claims to journal positions. But then it dissipates, almost like magic. I didn't expect the chilled-out demeanor that has drifted over the whole 2L class, but it's more than welcome. (that being said, I know people are still serious about their careers and the way class-ranks will always control our "destinies." But it's not controlling us, at least overtly anymore. Even so, I can't help but think there are probably still a number of people that would more than gladly sell their soul for grades- at least amongst those who managed to maintain it after last year).
Once more, any doubts I've ever had about assuming the legal profession dissipate the moment class begins. There's a rightness about my place in law school that I'd never known before last year- and its done nothing but grow stronger with affirmation over the past year. It could be said, and fairly, that I operate much less on the empirical and make my decisions based on intuited feelings. To that end, I've been right about few things like I was about going to law school. It's far from easy, its wholly consumptive, and it requires (or creates) a certain measure of neuroses, but its the place for me- and when it is over, legal practice, or something else to which law school leads me will be too.
In many ways, it feels like life is on hold until May 2015, while I bide my time and plough my allotted plot with an eye to the future. But on the other hand, there's little about this life, at least for the three years I'm committed to it, that I'd want to give up. Cleveland-Marshall is just another weigh-station on the route- but so was Wooster, so was Hillsdale, so was the Curry House. But were it not for each of those places, I'd have missed the others and all that came with them.
As much it might seem to me that I'm biding my time and putting in my work until my three years are up, I'd be remiss to ignore the potential that simply being here holds. My life is not on hold for three years while I'm in law school. For three years, law school is very much what my life is.
And ultimately, it is good. There's little else for which I could ask. Law is a field of professionals and thus, law school draws the upwardly mobile- there's a certain bend toward the next, bigger and better thing at every turn. But if I get caught up in that, I'll let what may be three of the most enjoyable years of my life pass me by. In some ways, I may look back on these as three of the hardest years of my life for any number of reasons- and not all of them because of school. But I.S. was far from easy- and my senior year at Wooster was nothing if not glorious. Life is difficult. Humans, us, we don't want difficulty. But its rare if we don't find the most value in coming through it- and finding the joy in the midst of it is always so much greater than never fighting through. (ed.: this is not meant to support the boilerplate response to tragedy which tries to turn great loss of life or war or any other uncontrollable circumstances that we encounter-- I don't believe it's ever good (no matter the good that may arise, by the grade of God) when people die or families fall apart-- I'm speaking specifically about creative and constructive struggles)
I don't know when I'll get a chance to write again- but I hope it's sooner rather than later. In the meantime, if you don't hear from me, it's just law school, sapping every bit of me out again- but I know that means its exactly as it ought to be.
-Zack
"I'm saying nothing in the past or future ever will feel like today"
-Bright Eyes
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Friday, August 2, 2013
Verdant.
When I first spent real time in Cleveland, Spring Break 2007, the Putnam County, Ohio raised farm boy felt as out of place as one might expect.
When I say first, I really mean "first." By the end of that week, I was consummately in love with the city. But initially, it just felt so unnatural.
Wooster was a bigger city than I'd ever lived since leaving Cincinnati at 4. Now I was in Cleveland, supposedly learning about what exactly was going on in the city. But I had never been around seemingly so few plants. As goofy as that might sound, the endless concrete, the lack of farmland, the short horizons, the seemingly unending buildings took me out of what I considered my "comfort zone" in ways I'd never experienced. By all measures, I'd never experienced such a powerful aura purely from my physical surroundings.
A lot of things happened that week, perhaps the most significant being a reordering of my thinking which allowed me to see city's as full of life, not devoid of it.
Now, 6 years later, every single day, I can't believe how green Cleveland actually is. There are so many parks, so many random outgrowths of trees, so many urban farms, so many marshy shores around the lake and river. Cleveland is called the "forest city" traditionally (though you'll rarely hear that nationally)- if you look at it from the right angles, it's obvious as to why- Cleveland was hewn out of a forest and it still maintains that general feel.
It is a major urban setting, and its far from the rural flat land in which I grew up. But there's something to be said for its natural beauty that does persist, right alongside all of the vibrant life emanating from it due to its diverse, beautiful population. I took a few pictures on my ride home today. It was one of those beautiful "Cleveland" days, where there's sunlight, but it's overcast, and you know the clouds are made of pure metaphor.
You could say I've come full circle.
-Zack
"In the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love, we must plunge we must plunge we must plunge"
-Bright Eyes
When I say first, I really mean "first." By the end of that week, I was consummately in love with the city. But initially, it just felt so unnatural.
Wooster was a bigger city than I'd ever lived since leaving Cincinnati at 4. Now I was in Cleveland, supposedly learning about what exactly was going on in the city. But I had never been around seemingly so few plants. As goofy as that might sound, the endless concrete, the lack of farmland, the short horizons, the seemingly unending buildings took me out of what I considered my "comfort zone" in ways I'd never experienced. By all measures, I'd never experienced such a powerful aura purely from my physical surroundings.
A lot of things happened that week, perhaps the most significant being a reordering of my thinking which allowed me to see city's as full of life, not devoid of it.
Now, 6 years later, every single day, I can't believe how green Cleveland actually is. There are so many parks, so many random outgrowths of trees, so many urban farms, so many marshy shores around the lake and river. Cleveland is called the "forest city" traditionally (though you'll rarely hear that nationally)- if you look at it from the right angles, it's obvious as to why- Cleveland was hewn out of a forest and it still maintains that general feel.
It is a major urban setting, and its far from the rural flat land in which I grew up. But there's something to be said for its natural beauty that does persist, right alongside all of the vibrant life emanating from it due to its diverse, beautiful population. I took a few pictures on my ride home today. It was one of those beautiful "Cleveland" days, where there's sunlight, but it's overcast, and you know the clouds are made of pure metaphor.
You could say I've come full circle.
-Zack
"In the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love, we must plunge we must plunge we must plunge"
-Bright Eyes
Blank Ruminations
In one week, 7 hours, and 23 minutes (give or take the time it takes me to write the rest of this), I'll be on the road again, headed south, back to Savannah.
In 10 hours and 23 minutes, from right now (give or take again), I'll be ostensibly finished with my time as a "summer" clerk at Sherwin-Williams, transitioning into my part time hours for the school year-- at the end of the day today, I'll have finished my final full week of work.
I have learned a lot this summer about the legal practice and what it means to be a lawyer.
A lot of it is interesting to the interested, but broadly, I've learned that it is not only easy to grow complacent in pursuit of "the good life," but it is nearly mandatory in the legal field.
It's not a secret that the "noblest" legal jobs pay little or at least less. I had been under the impression that the less noble jobs could be leveraged for good, and to a degree they can. But in the end, being a corporate dog is being a corporate dog.
The legal field is unique in that your job consists of one of two things: fighting for something you wholeheartedly believe in, or suspending your own ideals in the name of the higher ideal of advocacy and representation. That's, also, is no secret to anyone.
But I've learned this summer that, at some point, no matter which of the dualistic roles you're filling, you're going to begin to absorb the values implicated by your situation. What I mean by that is really simple: if you are suspending your ideals in order to defend a party in the wrong (and the lion's share of corporate legal work is just that), your values invariably start to shift. It's not as possible to give fair representation to a party, no matter your own beliefs, as lawyers like to let on. This should seem obvious, but lawyers like to act like superheroes who get paid for their shapeshifting, above all else.
But it's not true. Lawyers are either adapting to the values of their client, or growing increasingly despondent. There's a vast middle ground, where everyone really dwells- but the process rolls on forward- we are becoming one or the other.
I cannot, unfortunately, give any really specific examples from my own experience. But I can cite some common knowledge: plaintiffs lawyers tend to stay plaintiffs lawyers, while defense do the opposite-- and in the criminal law world, defense-minded attorneys typically don't make the flip to prosecutors. Other than the need for a job, it's rare that an attorney has much motivation to pick a side at the beginning. But then, at some point, their particular path begins to define their career and, much of the time, their personality.
There probably is something innate about specific individuals that leads them to one side or the other. But I've now seen people who, in law school and prior, were raging against the machine as much or more than myself, now oiling it and feeding it daily.
Much of law comes down to money. It would be easy to attribute it all to greed and move on. But it's not just greed- there's a very real need to support one's family, after all, and it's not altogether evil to desire life's comforts when they're affordable and non-exploitive.
But there's very little about the way lawyers make money in the private sector which does not have some kind of exploitive opportunity cost at least.
The "best" firms only accept the "smartest" students, with the "highest grades." That's their prerogative, but it means the entire law school world is beholden to firms that do nothing but protect huge corporations. That means, at the end, that we, law students, are striving to be able to apply and work and the sorts of places that ensure corporate greed persists. No matter your initial goal in coming to law school, the well-performing student will invariably look like a slacker, flawed interviewer, or not all that well-performing, by choosing to pursue a better path.
Law school shames you into corporate defense.
I should add that I do not dislike my summer job. Indeed, it's good, and it's a great experience. But it's so far from what I want my eventual legal-career-path to look like. I know that now more than ever, and without it, I wouldn't. I am thankful for that. Sherwin-Williams, as big corporations go, really is a pretty good company for which one could work- and it's always going to be a bright resume spot.
But even in that litany, I realize that I- my future success- is the center. If nothing else, even if you aren't as borderline Marxist as I am, it is hard to look past the self-preservationist nature of the corporate world. It's all about making your own money. That is a disease much bigger than legal practice. That is the disease that has been destroying souls since money was invented- and probably prior. As I said above, there's nothing wrong with providing for one's family or being comfortable in life. But there is something very wrong in orienting your entire life around yourself by way of your bank account. It does not matter what field or job you have. That has always been the case.
But it is apparent and celebrated in the world of corporate law.
I probably cannot turn the tide on my own. I doubt, when I retire, little will have changed. But if everyone allows that sort of thinking to quelch their motivation, there will never be change. While I cannot guarantee change (I gave that up May 2012), I can guarantee that I won't stop fighting for it. Let everyone else have all the money- I've something much better for which to strive.
-Zack
"OG is one who's standing on his own feet"
-Rick Ross
In 10 hours and 23 minutes, from right now (give or take again), I'll be ostensibly finished with my time as a "summer" clerk at Sherwin-Williams, transitioning into my part time hours for the school year-- at the end of the day today, I'll have finished my final full week of work.
I have learned a lot this summer about the legal practice and what it means to be a lawyer.
A lot of it is interesting to the interested, but broadly, I've learned that it is not only easy to grow complacent in pursuit of "the good life," but it is nearly mandatory in the legal field.
It's not a secret that the "noblest" legal jobs pay little or at least less. I had been under the impression that the less noble jobs could be leveraged for good, and to a degree they can. But in the end, being a corporate dog is being a corporate dog.
The legal field is unique in that your job consists of one of two things: fighting for something you wholeheartedly believe in, or suspending your own ideals in the name of the higher ideal of advocacy and representation. That's, also, is no secret to anyone.
But I've learned this summer that, at some point, no matter which of the dualistic roles you're filling, you're going to begin to absorb the values implicated by your situation. What I mean by that is really simple: if you are suspending your ideals in order to defend a party in the wrong (and the lion's share of corporate legal work is just that), your values invariably start to shift. It's not as possible to give fair representation to a party, no matter your own beliefs, as lawyers like to let on. This should seem obvious, but lawyers like to act like superheroes who get paid for their shapeshifting, above all else.
But it's not true. Lawyers are either adapting to the values of their client, or growing increasingly despondent. There's a vast middle ground, where everyone really dwells- but the process rolls on forward- we are becoming one or the other.
I cannot, unfortunately, give any really specific examples from my own experience. But I can cite some common knowledge: plaintiffs lawyers tend to stay plaintiffs lawyers, while defense do the opposite-- and in the criminal law world, defense-minded attorneys typically don't make the flip to prosecutors. Other than the need for a job, it's rare that an attorney has much motivation to pick a side at the beginning. But then, at some point, their particular path begins to define their career and, much of the time, their personality.
There probably is something innate about specific individuals that leads them to one side or the other. But I've now seen people who, in law school and prior, were raging against the machine as much or more than myself, now oiling it and feeding it daily.
Much of law comes down to money. It would be easy to attribute it all to greed and move on. But it's not just greed- there's a very real need to support one's family, after all, and it's not altogether evil to desire life's comforts when they're affordable and non-exploitive.
But there's very little about the way lawyers make money in the private sector which does not have some kind of exploitive opportunity cost at least.
The "best" firms only accept the "smartest" students, with the "highest grades." That's their prerogative, but it means the entire law school world is beholden to firms that do nothing but protect huge corporations. That means, at the end, that we, law students, are striving to be able to apply and work and the sorts of places that ensure corporate greed persists. No matter your initial goal in coming to law school, the well-performing student will invariably look like a slacker, flawed interviewer, or not all that well-performing, by choosing to pursue a better path.
Law school shames you into corporate defense.
I should add that I do not dislike my summer job. Indeed, it's good, and it's a great experience. But it's so far from what I want my eventual legal-career-path to look like. I know that now more than ever, and without it, I wouldn't. I am thankful for that. Sherwin-Williams, as big corporations go, really is a pretty good company for which one could work- and it's always going to be a bright resume spot.
But even in that litany, I realize that I- my future success- is the center. If nothing else, even if you aren't as borderline Marxist as I am, it is hard to look past the self-preservationist nature of the corporate world. It's all about making your own money. That is a disease much bigger than legal practice. That is the disease that has been destroying souls since money was invented- and probably prior. As I said above, there's nothing wrong with providing for one's family or being comfortable in life. But there is something very wrong in orienting your entire life around yourself by way of your bank account. It does not matter what field or job you have. That has always been the case.
But it is apparent and celebrated in the world of corporate law.
I probably cannot turn the tide on my own. I doubt, when I retire, little will have changed. But if everyone allows that sort of thinking to quelch their motivation, there will never be change. While I cannot guarantee change (I gave that up May 2012), I can guarantee that I won't stop fighting for it. Let everyone else have all the money- I've something much better for which to strive.
-Zack
"OG is one who's standing on his own feet"
-Rick Ross
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