UnSabbath Ponderings pt. 1 (hopefully the only edition ever): Our Eternal Moments

This weekend....

My goodness. I guess, right now, I feel alright. The Packers won. If that's the beginning of a great season (and here's to hoping it is), then I'll look back on it especially joyfully. How though, can I look back on this weekend as much more than something of a train wreck? I don't know...I don't know.

I don't know where to start either. My goodness.

I LOVED hearing "Wha' do ya know?" from the College of Wooster yesterday. Best start to a weekend Saturday all summer (well, maybe it isn't summer now...since graduation then), not counting the two wedding Saturdays...well, those began strangely, but it's more fun to be with friends than to miss them because you remember them from the topic of conversation on a radio show... Anyway. Even after that, when I watched like, 11 hours of football...things were mostly good. I guess watching 11 hours of football can leave a bit to be desired when it comes to having a "fulfilling day," but frankly, I didn't care, because it was a day I had been waiting for for an ENTIRE year. Like, really.... that was among the most anticipated college football days of my life. Then it ended poorly. SO poorly. I would have traded the Michigan win (I did like it. Til they meet, I always want Ohio State and Michigan to be undefeated) for an Ohio State win in a second (sorry Ben and Emily...even though I doubt you read this...). I'm not going to talk about it though. I just wasted a saturday. Like, all of it. Frankly, if it weren't for getting pumped, I wouldn't have cared to watch the other games. Then I got pumped for nothing....and when the game was at its most tense, my mom came in and started asking banal questions about football.... It ruined my grief, even. I shouldn't even say grief. I am sick of caring that much about football...but I'm sick of caring that much about a lot of things in my life.

And my funding even got awesome on Friday. Well, just swiftly much better. There's still a long way to go.

Anyway, Saturday was a dud. A total dud of a day...and that's putting it terribly lightly.

I don't have anything to say about Friday....I don't have friends around here anymore, so I don't do anything with anyone. I watched Heroes...I'm trying to finish the third season before the fourth starts.... As much as I like the show (though the first season was far too unsustainably good...), it's hard to not be with people on Friday nights...it just will be. I don't know if I'll get used to spending Friday nights alone.... Oh, and in case you're following me, I didn't go to Wooster on Friday....I should have seen that as a bad omen, perhaps....but I don't believe in omens.

Anyway, cut to today.

Strange, strange day. Really, not good. Really, just.....dumb. Bad. But, I don't know. I don't feel like I've had a terrible day. It was circumstantially bad, I guess. Or just....the exact opposite of how I would EVER choose to spend a Sunday.

I spoke at a church today...it went alright, from my part. I probably had too high of hopes...it's the church my family, as a whole, is the most tied to....my parents met there, my grand parents and aunt still go there, one of my other aunts is the daughter of a former minister. But missional is probably the last adjective of the entire lexicon you'd use to describe them. I'm not sure what to say otherwise. It's mostly a let down because I feel like dying after a church presentation...I don't know why, but I feel like sharing, even for a couple of minutes, is the most nerve-racking experience I've ever done...it's worse than Moot Court in a lot of ways...I think it's because I have no idea how I'm being received, and I'm never quite sure what the church thinks about missions, domestic missions, giving money at all, asking for money...really, the list is endless, and, just for an example, I've spoken in two Methodist Churches so far, and the receptions have been the direct opposite of each other....so I can't even count on denomination. Really, it's the pastor that's the best gauge...but even then, and, I want to feel this way about today, sometimes the church isn't on board with him all the time....especially with giving, because a pastor's salary depends on generosity too...so as long as I'm not viewed competition for the offering, the pastor can be very onboard and the people very disinterested.

Anyway, I don't want to libel a church that has meant so much to my family...indeed, I was baptized as a baby in that church....even though I'm not so sure how much I count that personally, since I'm kind of a mennonite now, and anabaptist means not-baby....

I don't even know what to say about my day after church. I didn't come home til 5:45 because my mom had to visit one of her best friends (and a front-runner for my entirely fictitious "least favorite person on the planet prize" ) for about 4 hours...when I finally got home, I had to be half an hour away from my house at 6....so I was late.

I'm not going to say much about that engagement at six, except that I felt really old and really out of place... it wasn't what it was supposed to be in a lot of ways, but I probably didn't expect the right thing either. It was to be a "young adults meeting" for a church I used to go to...well, no one else showed up...it was at the home of some prominent parents of prominent young adults at the church (of whom i'm at lest still kind of friends). It was good to see them again, but I felt like I was kind of sitting in on a Sunday night at their house...not quite what I was going for when I went. To ice that cake, I was, at one point in time, the 7th wheel...is that even possible? I don't know, and it probably wasn't an issue....but I noticed it, and I was slightly sad, as I sat amongst three couples. It's not fun, being single after college. I don't know...it just...wasn't the relaxing thing I needed...all day wasn't, after the church experience. I felt introverted, after the speaking bit...and I think that's because I needed to be very extroverted in the right setting....right now, that means talking to a good friend or writing...and I couldn't do either, til right now.....so kind of getting lost on my way to a meeting that was the exact opposite of what I expected, then it being what is forever going to be one of my least favorite situations (the only single guy amongst couples....but don't worry Wooster friends...we were close enough that it didn't matter, and I hope you all knew that without me even saying that...star trek, killer bunnies, nights at common grounds...it almost never mattered that it was 2 couples and me a lot of the time...especially when Liam (and RON PAUL!) showed up...oh, the good old times, and I mean that whole heartedly) was the last thing I needed today. I really can't even describe why it wasn't great this evening...it was even fun a lot of the time...but being on the go in fairly undesirable circumstances for over 12 hours...it just wasn't at all the best thing for me...and I feel selfish writing that...but it's so much the truth.

And there is a lot of personal stuff going on. Personal stuff I wouldn't mind sharing, but probably shouldn't because it's just not all about me....as much as I wish it was.

Anyway....I'm glad the Packers won.

I'm tired of being a Kanye apologist...I don't have to be, I know, but he's ridiculously misunderstood, and it's hard to stop respecting someone with that much heart...even if he has as big a deficit of tact and class as he has a heart....and it doesn't help that I basically agree with what he says when he acts ridiculous...

My grandma called me a good democrat around my dad today. That was awkward for many reasons...1. We don't see those grand parents very often because of politics 2. My immediate family is always a couple missteps on my part from kicking me out of the house because I'm not a republican 3. No matter what I think about anything, I'm not a democrat because I don't willfully identify with political parties....no matter how liberal or conservative I am or get, I doubt I'll ever drop the tenet from my beliefs that the two party system is flawed and, in general, political parties do more harm than good. 4. Grandma, don't say things like that...please. It's true, we agree on a lot more things than my parents and I do right now... but it's just not helpful.....


But I'm doing alright right now...even if that's just because the Packers won. I also feel like I'm on the verge of tears because it has been a very emotionally destabilizing weekend....no single events were huge...but it's just been a lot of things I didn't want to see happen....a lot a lot a lot.

Here I am though. Tomorrow is a new day. It's a new day for new funds to come in, it's a new day to praise the Lord, it's a new day to see love grow...it's a new day to start a new week for the Buckeyes....its a new day after a not so great, sometimes terrible weekend that was robbed of all the sabbath activity to which I've grown accustomed. But it is a new day and a new week.
Praise be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. For newness and renewal....and for sustenance when I've never been so close to everything going wrong at once.

He is still Lord of all. And I mean all.

May He bless you. I know, from Friday, yesterday, and today, that His love and peace really do transcend all of our circumstances....and they always will.

Oh, and I think I figured out where I want to go on my eventual honeymoon: Japan. That means a lot of things if it happens: A. I didn't stay single forever B. I actually had the courage to get engaged C. I made it to the Wedding! D. I'm either old or marrying someone rich/with a good job to afford a honeymoon like that E. I'm probably insane considering the chance of me ever marrying anyone I even KNOW right now is probably quite slim. Anyway...that was and still is a strangely inspiring thing from the weekend....weird enough as it is.

Have a beautiful Monday.....I've never looked forward to a Monday more.

-Zack
"When all else fades my soul will dance with you"
-Hillsong United