I've come to terms with things this week. Well, these past two weeks. Many things. Or, at least, important things.
One of them, perhaps the most important, is that I've been creating urgency about Hillsdale. The world's not ending while I'm not on campus. Sure, it would make my life a lot easier if all of my funding was in and I was on campus right now, doing my thing and getting paid and preaching the Gospel. That's what I'm best at, because it's what I've been doing for the last three years. But I'm definitely not best at raising money and I'm definitely not best at being patient, and I am very very far from being best at letting things go to God and trusting in his divine timing. I'm working on it though.... I'm working on it mostly, right now, aside from the baselines stuff of prayer and Bible Study, by being diligent and unworried, all at once...a sort of divine passivity, I believe I heard our Regional Director refer to it once or twice. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing as faithfully and diligently as possible, and God will provide, maybe even with miracles, when it's his time to do that....and he knows when that will be. He wants me here right now, and he might want me here into next semester. I've come to terms with that, and it's made my life a lot more peaceful. All that being said, I'm not going to stop working as hard as I can.
I've also come to terms with the fact that it's been a year, well, will have been a year, since Meg and I ended our relationship, and it was good that it ended then as well as being good that I've not ended up in a relationship since. I might not be in a relationship by May either, which would be the longest I've been single since I started dating between my sophomore and junior years of high school. Even so, that is good. I've learned a lot about myself, a lot about what I need from a relationship, and a lot about, even, what I want in a relationship. With regard to this, I've let myself succumb to unspoken and unintended peer pressure. No one really cared, and no one said anything, but I felt a bit of pressure (probably, even, self-applied), when I was one of the few WCF graduates outside of committed relationships or engagements (or, as last weekend showed us, near engagements...). Sometimes, when I think about the "facts," I can make myself feel left out or behind, when I think about how many classmates I have that are now married, or how many of them are engaged, or how many of them have told me they plan to be engaged soon...or at least are with the person they intended to marry. But I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that. I only know that though, because I know God's put me here for a reason. The past year has been hard for many reasons a lot of the time. But God's been pulling me along, as if by a string, the whole time, and what could be or would be that has not been was never intended to be. I'm single now for a reason. I'm still in Ohio now, for a reason. If I'm totally honest, I want both of those facts to change as quickly as possible. But very little of either is in my control...and I'm alright with that.
I'm compiling a "top 100 songs of the decade" playlist on my computer. It's been fun so far, but right now, I've just been adding songs to a playlist in a sort of "nomination" capacity. The hard part will be making decisions and cuts. I'll probably post the list on facebook with a few explanations, when it's finished. I might post it here too...I don't know. Even in going through all of the songs I've got (through artist name starting with R) (the most important stipulation is that I have to have the song on my computer...), I have no idea what the song of the decade might be. That's generally unimportant...but I'll come up with something...probably arbitrary.
I'm in the process of developing a daily routine...like, a precise daily routine. I'm pretty "NP" as they say in the Meyers-Briggs world, so schedules don't really come naturally to me...but structure is good for everyone. What I enjoy most is that the book that's compelled me to do this ("Ordering your Private World", by Gordon McDonald) says it's good to schedule time to write and read into your day if it fits and fits your occupation. I think it fits mine...and since I do often run out of things to do in the mid-afternoon, it fits nicely, and I can do it (like right now), without feeling like I should be doing something else...because I have the time scheduled in to make sure I do what I have to do. That's basic, and probably something most people already know...but I've been coasting through life on talent alone til now, and I'm enjoying working through life on developing skill and personal growth.
The NHL season starts today...or tomorrow...this weekend, sometime, for sure. Since I don't live in Michigan yet, I can still be a Canadiens fan. Well, I might stay one anyway....but I might change too, if the Red Wings and their fans become compelling while I'm there.
I don't really care about Hockey though...
I think that's all I've got for now. I feel like I had more to say in this week's post at some point earlier in the week, but I forgot it all now.
Recommendations for the week:
See:
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Tim Burton version...yes, there are other versions more readily available than you might be inclined to believe)
The Best Years of Our Lives (Old movie about 3 men coming home from WWII. Aside from it's pro-war bent that sometimes appears, it's a remarkable film)
Everything is Illuminated (incredible post-modern road film starring Elijah Wood, directed by Liev Schreiber. You won't be disappointed)
Watch:
The Office. the wedding is next week
Read:
The Land, by Mildred Tyler
Ordering Your Private World, by Gordon McDonald
(Although I doubt you missed it, I'll tell you anyway; I consider movie-viewing an act of seeing and television-viewing an act of watching...I have a reason, and I might explain it sometime)
avec la paix,
-Zack
"Home, where I wanted to go"
-Coldplay
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