Walking Further

These weeks get long, when progress doesn't come and I'm not sure what to even do to move forward and work toward more progress. Sometimes it feels like I might never get to move on with my life.

But I know that isn't true, and prayerful patience is a good, appropriate, and productive response, when times get hard.

Lately, I've been reading a book that chronicles the history of InterVarsity. Technically, it was assigned for what will be the most refreshing three days of training I've ever experienced next week, but I have enjoyed greatly learning the past of the organization I work for and love so much. There are problems I never knew about and pieces of the past that I would have never guessed. There are also instances of ideas I've had already being tried and failing or succeeding, which is interesting in its own right. Throughout it all though, it has become remarkably clear that God wants a voice on campus, and no amount of organizational or administrative (or financial) hardship is going to prevent that. Before InterVarsity were organizations that did great things before falling apart in the face of theological uncertainty and a release of the gospel from the center of their purpose. Even so, it was not long thereafter that InterVarsity came along. Even if and after InterVarsity falls away (which I pray does not happen in my lifetime), God is going to raise up a new witness on campus. I've always considered the campus among the most important missionfields on Earth, and it is clear, from the history of InterVarsity, that, on that point, God agrees.

(if only I could find more people that decide to agree with their finances as well....)

I still have some snacks from the Urban Plunge. They're those little (well, maybe I shouldn't assume anything you might know about Chinese snacks...) individually packaged gelatin snacks that taste somewhere between the exact same, flavor to flavor, and remarkably strong. I like them passably, I guess... but I always forget and don't eat them too often. That, and no one else ever seems to want one. That's why I have so many.... someone bought them on the scavenger hunt then about no one else ate any of them during the week and no one else was willing to take them home.

Ah, the Urban Plunge reminds me of many great things....almost none of them have to do with the events of the plunge, but those were great too. If I ever get a choice to move back to an Ohio campus, I might let the Cleveland Urban Plunge swing my decision back to the Buckeye state. But I haven't even got to do anything in Michigan yet... I know I'm speaking too soon.

I feel like this is the political part of a blog-post from me, where I'll say something, usually ending in some kind of scathing remark about right-wing bigotry. But I've got nothing today. Nothing original at least.

My parents are spending the night in Toledo tonight because my mom has her State Nurses Board test at 8 a.m., and she, quite understandably, wants to be well rested. If you think about it, I'm sure she would appreciate your prayers, even if she doesn't know you're praying for her. I have been for awhile, but I've never told her, and I don't know if I could. I don't know why, but there's a sort of spiritual screen between my parents and I. It's not that we believe too many different things (well, we do differ here and there, definitely, but the essentials are essentially the same), but there's a sort of hierarchy of spirituality within my family that I definitely broke out of at college and now I'm not sure what to do with it at home. It's common, in IV circles, to say that a student has "made his or her faith his or her own," and that definitely happened to me, but I don't think my parents are all that enthused about it. I'm an un(and under)stated rebel against and unstated level of control they want to have over the spiritual lives of our family. They don't really go to church anymore on the excuse (and I call it that although it might be more legitimate than I am willing to give it credit) that they can't find a good church around here (the church they were going to dissolved and became a small group, which either dissolved as well, or they had to stop attending when my dad found a job), and I definitely feel a bit of resentment, week to week, when I ask them for the keys so I can go to church. Thankfully, they don't feel like they can really say anything all that disparaging about the fact that I'm regularly attending church, but I definitely feel resented for it. That's just part of the total spiritual environment at home, wherein it feels like mom and dad are spiritual enough for the rest of us, and they like it that way. Of course, the end result has been two other siblings that have turned, quite sharply, from faith, and me, who has transcended their "rule," which should be a good thing, but they treat it like a bad thing. Their attitude is reflected in their reaction to anything I have to say about InterVarsity. It's as if they resent the fact that I have been able (and heck, I'm just going to say it: called) to ministry then neither of them has; it's as if, in their mind(s), I think I'm better than them, when, in reality, in their eyes, that's impossible because they are the spiritual leaders of the house and everyone "beneath" must stay that way. That's probably a more accurate reason as to why they'll probably never give any financial support and why my mom always wants me to "put InterVarsity in the right place in my life; not as most important, but as something that might happen and focus on other things until it can." It's frustrating. I feel like I can't be myself at all because anything I could have to say about God is going to be taken as a challenge of their spiritual authority. My family has huge authority problems... if there is ever a question about something my mom says, it's automatically an affront to her place of authority. And there's definitely a trickle down....my sister is the same way, because "she's older." I just ignore it and move on the best I can. It's going to be hard to come back once I finally get to move, but hopefully time away can heal relationships.

I don't mean to make my family sound terrible. They aren't that bad.

Have a wonderful weekend, and watch the Office tonight!

-Zack

"The little cracks they escalated
And before you know it is too late
For making circles and telling lies"
-Glen Hansard (Once)