And He set me on fire....

Call it what you will.  Purification, destruction/rebuild, dismantle.repair, redemption.  In any event, it's the process, the process we all know about, or at least should want to if we don't but don't really want to at all, that can best describe the week I've had.  And I'm not sure of the details I want to go into.  But remember (never forget) this: God is faithful.

I'm going with purification right now, but any and all apply. God made the addition of ash to soil directly tied into an increase in soil fertility, and it may just be because he knew all of the sermons it could turn into.  But I don't know how much we hear about the pain....let me assure you, there will always be pain.  Birth pain, growing pain, just pain.  I can't account for all the pain, but I'm sure God can, and never forget (always remember) this: God is faithful.

The Cavs will probably sweep the Pistons.  

I feel like I'm not making much progress in fund development, but I think I am.

And I am incredibly excited about Chapter Focus Week.  I'm a bit apprehensive about trying to jump into a culture I know little of (and fit in less), with Hillsdale and things, right after graduation.  But It's a definite, positive step toward the future, and if nothing else, that is what I need right now.  I will always love post-modernity in theory, but I am, right now, always already fed up with living liminally.  Really, I think I'm mostly a modernist because I cannot create without a ridiculous sense of self and reflexivity.  But I don't believe in many if any of the propositions of modernism, almost and especially modernist theology.  Well, that's hard to define because there are maybe 3 of us in the world that would try to decide what exactly modernist theology even is...and we're post-modern and want to dismantle it because of the harm it does, not necessarily because of its positions.  And I'm post-modern because I'm lazy and don't want to explain things, but I could write for hours without saying anything, mostly because I don't believe one can really ever say much of anything at all without some sort of outside spark, perhaps even deep within, but necessarily other from the individual.  Ah, the other, how I barely knew thee before I wished to be with thee and destroy thee.

I had a dream in which I learned about a sort of (possibly imaginary) drought, in which it is always hot and unbearable during the daytime, then, at night, it will rain, but it will never rain enough to sustain anything.  I think I have important dreams on Wednesday nights.... I can definitely relate to a feeling of drought, barrenness, not complete but, indeed never satisfied, definitely, right now.  It's attached, I do believe, to this liminality in which I'm living as what's essentially a lame-duck senior.  But there's a lot more to that...like Saturday-Sunday afternoon...when a very intentful prayer was very much half-answered.  Sometimes it feels like God is teasing me.  But I think that feeling is really him telling me to have faith.  Faith deeper, more extreme, more reckless than ever before.  And that isn't easy...  

But I know he is faithful, and that reciprocity is enough of a promise.  It's got to ultimately be my faith in his faithfulness that nurtures the thirsty land I am.

-Zack

"Before you say that a part of you has died remember the fire is on the inside"

-Mae