Have you ever seen the light?

No.  Not when I knew what it was at least.  But yes.  

I've become obsessed with themes of movement lately.  I don't know why, and I don't realize it, until I try to sum up thoughts or feelings.  I could give you a list of reasons probably; obstinance toward moving on, waiting to move up, being in capable of moving on, thinking of moving past, envisioning movement toward or away from this or that.  

It's all movement.  

Lip Sync was bad last night and the judges were worse.  

This is being simul-posted on facebook now.  I'm still not sure of that decision on my part.

The NBA Playoffs start this week.  They're my favorite playoffs by a lot.  The NBA is second only to NCAA Football in my personal hierarchy of sports leagues, and I would like the NCAA less if there was a playoff (although I am one of few...actually, I would like it most if it went back to the pre-BCS style....just like I would like baseball if they scrapped divisions and playoffs and just played the World Series at the end of the season between the winner of both leagues)  I'm not terribly positive why I think the NBA gets it right with playoffs but none of the other leagues do quite so well....I would shorten the first round, but that's about it, and I don't think I could support that even, when it comes to non-1-8 seed match-ups.  The NFL has too many divisions....if you're going to let six teams in, have 2 or three divisions and take the top 3 or 4 teams in the conference after those winners....having two wild card teams with better records than division winners is ludicrous...because 16 games is too short for a four division sport, and football is too violent to have a true playoff without the most meticulous care to make sure the right teams are there....and it's just wrong right now.  The NHL is pretty fine I guess...if I followed it more.  I actually really really like the point system.  I might follow Hockey more when I move to michigan, since they love their red wings up there...maybe not in Hillsdale though....  I'm not even going to start talking about the NCAA basketball tournament.  I don't think a team that doesn't win its conference should be able to win the national championship, I don't think there should be conference tournaments unless you're going to have to win it to get to the national tournament.  Really, I just hate trying to appease public opinion when it comes to sports.  Prove it on the field.  I probably seem backwards with College Football then, but until a playoff could happen in which every conference winner (and NO ONE) else would be allowed in, it's just too big to have a legitimate playoff... so the opinions of the media and coaches should decide the national champion.  That, and I don't think national championships in college football should mean as much as they do.  There's more to the sport than that, and the ESPN/ABC have done their best to make us forget.  Bo never won a national championship...I don't care, because his goal was to win the Big Ten, beat Ohio State, and win the Rose Bowl each year.  That's college football...win the conference, beat your rival, win your bowl game.  It's too localized and too spectacular a sport to weigh down with national implications.   But it's a little late.

Okay, that's all about sports.  Sorry....

But the Go Cavs!  nonetheless

Light actually does, undeniably, exist as a binary to its opposite.  It's opposite, indeed, cannot even exist in its presence.  

Theoretically, as is everything else.  Even though that's harder to prove, I don't want to be anything but in, around, and through all that is light, so I'm not striving to exist as anything but the opposite of everything I don't want to and am not supposed to be.  That's what redemption is.  There are just two sides, and they are defined by being one side or the other.  Christ said all those that are not against me are for me, and that's what redemption means.  But we're all kind of fragments really, a sum of our parts, if you will....sure, they make us unified, or something, but you're not walking with the Lord if you think you're totally redeemed all at once.  It's a process.  God gives us pennies, when all we want is a dime...in the end though, we'll always end up with at least 11 pennies.  And when we are fully redeemed, we aren't anything at all attached to the world, and at that point, we're forever, perfectly, wholly in the light, where there can be no darkness. What would happen if everything were illuminated, and darkness ceases to exist?  Someday, we'll find out.   Light, right now, is light because it isn't dark, but if you spend long enough in the light, the necessity of a word for dark will cease, and all darkness will be but a memory of what was, if even that.  And we construct our understanding of the world on the words we use to describe it.  That's why light is necessarily the opposite of dark...because that's the only way we can understand it...that's why we can only understand good as the opposite of bad.  When bad ceases to exist, perhaps good will too, but I suspect, then, words will be different too, so what is good now will not be good, it will simply be, dizzy, light, and free of all that it could be that it isn't now, as it is trapped, tied, bound to its reliance on the existence of bad.  Right now, I am but Zack, the only Zack that is me, and therefore different from everyone else.  But someday, perhaps I will be Zack because of something essential.  But maybe then, I won't be Zack at all.  I don't really believe in essentiality, not in this world.  There won't be the need to believe in it in the next.

Read the Name of the Rose and watch Howl's Moving Castle.  Then you'll be in my aesthetic viewpoint for the week.  Or at least the biggest part of it.  I've done my best to fragment it, so that will never be possible.  Just working to develop difference and identity, that's all.  Actually, that's not even true at all.  My identity is not mine to craft.  I just have a short attention span, so I've seen about half an our of like, 4 movies this week, and the last hour of Howl's Moving Castle.  And I've read about 350 pages....and only about 80 of them have been The Name of the Rose.  

So bigness wins, that's democracy.

But bigness is an inherent fallacy.  I've proven that through me, but democracy proves it better every day.

I'm going to have a lot to learn next year, just about living on my own.  I realized yesterday that I've never done my taxes.  I've never paid a monthly mortgage.  I've never bought my own food for a sustained period.  I've never owned a car and had insurance or any sort of retirement to think about saving for.  But it's coming soon....

....at least I have a job

-Zack

"Take me home tonight, I don't want to let you go til I see the light"

-Eddie Money