All you see is

Been here before.  On either side.  Feeling like I need to write and being totally in the dark about what to write.  So I put on some Young Jeezy and listen to thoughts that might or might not be going anywhere...just like this.

I've started at least 3, maybe 4 or 5 entries now, since I last posted one.  Part of that is because what weighs on my mind is unsayable, or unwritable, or unpostable, or all three.  Or simply, in my limited powers, unexpressable.

This has been the longest Christmas break I've ever had.  December 9th was my last day on campus.  January 20th is my first back...and it's still 2 days away...but I don't have to tell you that...you can read a calendar.  Part of me is anxious to get back, but part of me is also anxious about starting again and a little apprehensive.  That's probably good....it's never good to be too overconfident going into anything.  I kind of want this semester to be over as soon as possible.  It's like a hump I've got to get over to get to the rest of my life.

But before I can get to the rest of my life, I have to get through it, and because of that, I'm pretty sure there's something worthwhile in my time remaining at Hillsdale.  I'm struggling to rest in that reality because here, right now, I'm mostly looking past this semester.  My work consists of getting ready for a wedding that's happening in November and in getting things ready for a semester that starts tomorrow.  Disparity.

But there's something there.  There must have always been or God wouldn't have called me to Hillsdale in the first place.  I'm trying to figure out how to soak in the good, useful for the future bits of my time at Hillsdale, all while being useful, and also not dropping the ball in planning the wedding.

It's a juggling act that I might fail, but it will be impossible to really measure.

Ambiguity is an underrated gift from the Lord.

-Zack

"So much on my mind I just can't recline
Blastin holes in the night til she bled sunshine"
-Black Star