Tomorrow is kind of the official beginning of a summer of some kind of adventure. It is an adventure. I know that, I feel that. But it also feels like the step into a summer I know I won't emerge from the same person. I don't know how much will change, in me, for me, but I know I don't stay too similar to myself for very long (usually in a good way, but I suppose that's not a guarantee and depends how you measure it) these days, and there are a lot of things happening so I don't imagine this summer will be anything like a getting back to or attaining any sort of status quo. I stopped believing in status quo long ago anyway, so I don't mind that.
But let's lay down a littany of what's going on and deduce some things if we can.
I leave tomorrow for Wooster, which will probably always be a surreal feeling as long as I live. Wooster is always going to feel like home in some way, and my personal sentimentality probably means that feeling will only increase as memories of anything less than pleasant fade daily and good memories become the focus of my recollections.
But I'm not going back to Wooster to wander around campus. There is purpose and it is exciting. I can't completely disagree with Parks and Recreation tonight though...."whenever a marriage takes place, two single people die" and with another summer of marriages and engagements already afoot, my social landscape will, once more, be rocked a bit. It happens and it's good, but it's always a bit altering.
Speaking of single people dying, a sort of non-event will probably be taking place this summer (and if it doesn't, then that's an event in and of itself). On June 16th, I'll have been single for the longest period of time since I started dating the summer before my junior year of high school. That's not a huge deal, but if we put our amateur statistician hats on for a minute, you could say my time of singleness could very much be on the other side of the bell curve. I could very much be wrong, but just based on the numbers, I can't be single much longer right? That's never happened before, and while I could complexify my analysis and get specific about why I became unsingle in all my past seasons of singleness, and that would probably destroy my numerical analysis, science simply says I shouldn't be single for much longer. So, this summer is a showdown between scientific meta-narrative and literal, post-modern facticity. You know where I fall, and if I could write worth anything, you'd realize that I'm siding with the indeterminate length of single-living side of the argument. That's probably right. But it's been a long long long time. I don't know what God has out there for me though, and it could very well be the case that I'll be single for much longer than the 20 months and 13 days that will have passed on June 16th. But hey, even post-modern me is kind of rooting for science on this one.
Chapter Focus Week is soon and I'm legitimately staffing a track. I feel unprepared because the more I prepare the more unprepared I feel. Likewise, the more I don't prepare, the more arrogant I get and the worse things actually turn out. So, in my feeling of unpreparedness, I'm probably going to be fine. But pray for me over the next week, please. Then, the second week, I'll be in the Hillsdale Leadership track. Pray for that..mostly so no one draws any weapons and nothing turns to fisticuffs as leadership tracks can be wont to do from time to time. That's mostly a joke, but pray for the cohesion of our group and the vision God will grant us.
June will be busy too....I'll be out of Ohio for 14 days en total and that's pretty busy by June standards
July isn't so busy after the first weekend. and August just means school is about to start again and I take the NSO plunge. Ah. Okay, life is joyous because I am excited just writing all of this. But it also means I'll be on the other side of the beginning of classes this fall much quicker than it seems right now. Maybe that's not true, maybe July will prove a long, relaxing month. But I haven't even said anything about fund development yet, and that's going to be coursing through all of this and I'll have to do all I can *not* to neglect it between things. God is faithful though, and I've never felt more called to this life, so I know he'll provide. He always has, he always will, and when he stops that just means it's on to the next adventure...I don't see that happening any time soon though. I know I had a post a few weeks ago about how I didn't know if I would stay on staff past next year, when I'll most likely be leaving Hillsdale. That's still true, but I can't imagine stopping just after next year. I'll be somewhere and I'll still be doing this, this thing I love which I have given up much to do but have gained so much more of such greater worth in doing.
I'm glad I can write that deeply, that joyfully, just about my professional life. I don't know that many can do that.
But my life will change imperceptibly at the moment but majorly in the long run Saturday too, when my mom moves out and effectively ends what I guess was a facade of her life as a Christian mother and wife. I probably shouldn't go into much detail here, and I don't have many details anyway, but I've got a brother and a father I've got to be there for this summer too, and right now, I'm just trying to do my best....pray for them and me too.
"If God did not will it, it wouldn't be so"
So let's not focus on that apparently unchangeable and unpleasant fact about the life of my family. There are much worthier topics in the world, like how some people drift into your life by what looks like accident then 5 months later you realize that it wasn't a drifting at all but a divine appointment and there is no such thing as accident, much less coincidence. And for that reason I hope. And I hope because of love. And I love because I have faith. Because at the end of the day, at the end of all days "these three remain, faith, hope and love".
Just love.
-Zack
"The rhythm is so in sync and that isn't their only strength
They were humming a tune the sun and the moon, they didn't know what to think"
-Flobots
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