Come into the liminal. It's impossible to live here, but it's impossible to leave. It's the only firm ground in our decentered existence. And it's the place I find myself, tonight. I almost titled this "conflicted" but I wasn't sure what I'm conflicted on, beside the fact that so much of me is conflicted on so much of everything. And that is liminal.
this is liminal.
The beautiful and impossible thing about liminality is that the moment you've sufficiently determined how something is liminal...it isn't anymore. It's a feeling.
A postmodern feeling.
And a feeling is the most tangible reality of post-modern thought anyway...
Welcome to my Ph.D dissertation, if I ever write one.
But we're leaving that.
My life is interesting, but my life is beautiful too...and it's mostly beautiful because I get to spend it with beautiful people...and this isn't even a prayer letter where I would be getting paid to say that no matter how true it is.
Well...kind of paid. Payment is sort of post-modern with InterVarsity...
Okay, I feel like I should say something.
I learned, from a friend tonight, of a song by Garth Brooks about a guy being thankful that he didn't end up with his high school sweetheart because of how much more he loved his wife....apparently, this was a realization brought on by seeing said high school sweetheart years later. Moments before finding this out, I kind of had that reverse thing happen to me... I saw a picture (okay, the picture above, if you haven't figured that out....) of a former girlfriend with her new boyfriend...and it's a weird feeling, but it's a feeling of peace too...because they just look more right together than she and I ever did. I don't know how or why or why so often God does it, but it seems that people look right when they end up together (the only married couple (to my knowledge) that read this would be example #1 in a case study on the topic). Of course, I don't know that this former girlfriend is going to marry this new boyfriend, but they look right together, so I wouldn't be surprised. It's strange though, to see her, even in a picture, with someone else. But it's right.
Part of me feels a little jaded... I lost the race to the next relationship, but that's a dumb feeling that I don't really have... I just kind of talk about having it because it's something at which I can kind of laugh. I don't think I'd ever been beat before though...well, maybe once, but she never really told me about it so I can't quite count it and it was before facebook so there's no proof. It doesn't matter, and if anything, it just means I've grown up a lot since I started this whole dating thing 7 or so years ago. (as a slight aside, it looks like I'll probably be beat to marriage by all of them, and, if nothing else, it's the case that all of them are in relationships right now and I'm not....forever proving the tortoise right in the face of my hare's lifestyle)
I don't know why I always circle back to relationships on this thing...it just happens, and I guess it's where my mind is a lot of the time.
But there are pages to my life's story right now that I'm just kind of leaving out...and I think I'm going to keep it that way for now.
December is going to be interesting, I hope and pray.
But right now, I mostly just hope and pray people leave my house by 9:30 tomorrow night...
-Zack
"I take everything I learn and teach myself some disregard"
-Relient K
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