A Constant Sattelite

The greatest hypocrisy in all the world rears it's head when you become a missionary and ask your family members if they want to support you. Suddenly, what was always noble work and a wonderful, great thing, becomes all of that for everyone but their sons and daughters and grand-sons and grand-daughters, and nieces and nephews. I don't have enough fingers to count the amount of times my mom has asked me if I "ever want to get a real job" or when I can "stop begging people for money." The answer, parlaying in her terms is frankly no and never, but quite honestly, I have a real job and I have never begged for a cent. I honestly don't know what's surprising about all this. The first thing I ever wanted to be was a missionary and while that changed to politician and lawyer by the time I got to college, it flipped back quickly once I got back with God. Even so, what I do and what I have to do often seems like a totally anathema to what I should be doing if you ask many of my family members. Needless to say, as much as I'm looking forward to when my parents have jobs again, I've got an ever-sinking feeling that it's going to be a two-sided coin. It will be great...but it will probably lead to the conversation/realization that they either A. won't support me at all (financially...I already know any bit of non-financial support I could hope for doesn't exist) or B. Will only do so because they either I. want me out of the house sooner or II. just feel guilty and give out of that.

In the end though, it doesn't really matter because as crass and mean as it sounds I don't need their support to know what I'm doing is right.

There's not really anything new about quiet disapproval from my family for the things I do. When I went to China, I think the only reason my mom said I could go is because she was pretty sure I wouldn't raise the support...and I'm not sure how many times (but it was a lot) my mom reminded me "how much money I could have saved" had I not gone to SLT....or Urbana....or CFW.

And that's exactly why I stopped asking them for money for anything after Fall Conference my freshman year....it's led to a lot of lean and dark financial times (like right now!) but it was definitely worth it...partly because it meant trusting God more with my finances (okay, mostly that) and it cut off a lot of flippant spending on my part.

Sometimes I feel like the embodiment of Jesus' wise words that "a prophet is not welcome in his own city." That's probably overly dramatic, but it's better than shaking the dust off my feet and telling my family that it will be better for Sodom on the day of judgment than it will be for them....

Anyway...
Sorry for complaining. I probably shouldn't do that. It is definitely frustrating though, this life, much of the time.

I know it's all going to be fine though...it's in God's hands. I've put it there....a lot. He's going to provide for me in every single way. He already provided a place to live for next to nothing (utilities only!). It will all line up...in His time.

Christians and Atheists don't understand each other at all. I've heard (and said, probably) that "it would be such a hopeless life, to believe that there is no God." It's never received very kindly by an atheist, and I think I figured out why: they see it as an extremely hopeful life, if there is no God. If there is no God, then they, as a human being, are the pinnacle of existence and the most powerful thing in existence. Even if life is over at death, at least you don't have to worry about being subject to something else. You are as powerful as you make yourself. I see the appeal in that. No, I'm not becoming an atheist, but I understand it better now...definitely. Of course, atheists don't see how hopeful, how right, life is with Christ, with reverence to God. They see it as a crutch, but it's not. It's not at all. They don't understand that the world was created to bring God glory and getting closer to that gives truly endless joy.

It's all about perspective. It always has been, and indeed, it always will be, and that is why the only way we can know anything is if God deigns to let us know....it's why God's drawing someone is and will always be the most important part of any conversion story.

Being a single, college-graduate, my thoughts sometimes turn to how, exactly, I'm ever going to change the "single" part in that. I've got options 1. (option left intentionally blank) 2. dumb luck 3. Internet Dating Site.

Right now, only option 1 "intentionally left blank" sounds at all appealing. That option, by the way, will be officially revealed on the tenth of September, provided I have internet access. It's weird to think about how different my life really could be by then...but who knows...I could still be here, doing what I do. Hopefully not though.
Of the other two options...well, they just sound dull. I cannot, at all, picture myself falling for someone through either option right now....well, you never know what "dumb luck" (or, as I should put it, God's hand) will do....but it seems unlikely if I could make it sound appealing, given what I'm going into for the next at least year...but you never know. I've just...seen things. It seems unlikely, to say the least, that I will end up randomly meeting the love of my life in Hillsdale, MI. Of course, you never know til you try, but I know I'm probably not going to end up marrying a student for a plethora of reasons....a Hillsdale student, I mean mostly....I do leave the door open for people that happen to be students still (that I probably already know), but that's all situational. As for the internet thing...I just don't see it happening....e-harmony, match.com, anything else...I can't see that working for me. I don't think I could take it seriously. Maybe I'm not ready to date....maybe option one has passed from "the only thing appealing" to "the only thing acceptable." Maybe that's good, maybe that's incredibly terrible. Only time will tell.

Right now, it's time for me to go, I think.

I wish I could talk more about dating, marriage....it's my favorite topic....unfortunately sometimes. Even when I'm not in a relationship...even when it's not my relationship...even when I'm not close to being in a relationship....I, like our culture, love to talk about it. And hopefully, I do that well. Going to so many weddings this summer has turned my thoughts that way a lot...and it's either unfortunate or very good that I'm not in a relationship right now....

Anyway, til next time!
-Zack
"How great your love for us"
-David Crowder