And we all roll on...

Help me to dream these dreams...because I don't have a clue.
-Mae.
-Zack

.situationally backwards perhaps,

siht ekil eb dluow ti meard I dluow reven tub.

Fast slow.
Slow fast.
Either or.
Both and.



And the always already.

If I ever write a book about post-modernism, the title may be Both and and the Always Already. Mostly because I love that.

And because I love the intersection between Derrida and Bhabha...I found Christ there once, afterall.

Sometimes I feel like I speak mostly in code...perhaps I do.

Or perhaps I just don't tell full things...really, ever. I just tell things, and don't explain...then I say I can't...oftentimes "right now."
But what is "right now" anyway, but a bowing to time? And what is time but a contrivance? It's linear...and I don't much want to believe in the linear, at least not as it applies to true reality. Linearity is a punishment, not a fact.

Good Will Hunting is far better than I ever expected. As is War and Peace...but it's still a slow read. And I actually am reading it...it's a great translation...but I don't know if I'll finish it in time...it's the library's. Here's to hoping nobody puts it on hold and I can renew it enough to finish it this summer....it's currently outweighing the speed with which I finished books thanks to Children as readers, and making up for the page deficiency. That, I can explain. Every year, I keep track of the amount of pages and books that I read each year...I always strive to read at least one more book and one more page. Both goals may be acheived at once...but it's rare, because book length varies so much. The longest book I've read this year, so far, is Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, with the second longest being it's prequel (although I think prequel implies a later release, I prefer a single word for that particular book....even with this explanation, I feel resistent to typing the title). Last year, Don Quixote was the longest book (actually longer than War and Peace...at least in pages...maybe because it's a very large book and the Cervantes was quite small as book dimensions go...well, it was thick, of course) The second longest was Ulysses, as Nancy Grace ruined it for me, and I had even one more over 600 pages. This year, my top is 341 so far...thus, the War and Peace. I've got spreadsheets of equations that tell me how much I have to read each day, with a factored in day off each week. That being said, I'm not meeting that goal at all for War and Peace, and not even close for its due date.

I don't know why I think you at all care about that...maybe I don't think it and I just like saying things.

I had my first real FD disapointment today, by way of a close family friend requesting to _not_ be updated. Whatever...I'm over it because I know God is faithful. It was more an emotional hit thanks to what I thought was a strong relationship, when I was either wrong, or she really hates InterVarsity....she at least used to be a Christian. I'm not sure how I feel about that even being a possibility....but I don't know how she feels right now, let's just say that, about the savior.

Even though it's about never all that much percentage wise, I love getting gifts from people still in college. It's a testament to faithfulness. More than raising funds, I want to raise a group of faithful partners...and that's what underclassmen giving 5-10 dollars a month are, to an absolute tee. Faithfulness is my word of the week...and mostly my lifetime.

Today was probably very important, in the long scheme of this summer.

And I don't plan on expalining that. I am SO vague sometimes...all the time. I learned from the best though, especially recently...and I won't explain that either.

I think Embers and Envelopes by Mae might be the best all around song ever composed. I know I use too many superlatives....but there's something basically perfect about it. Not in a sum of its parts sort of way (those are always ultimately unfulfilling), but in a holistic, inner-being sort of way.

Let's look ahead and then we'll see the one who's glory never ends.

My only complaint is that the song might rhyme too much....

Welcome to the Grand Illusion, where Renoir reminds us why he might even be underrated.

Don't worry about everything I write...and much less figuring it out. Much of it is just a copy, from something written inside me...deep or not is debatable, movement to movement, thought to thought.

I wish I had loved pop-entertainment more all throughout college. I could have written a far more interesting I.S. Probably not something so academically charged (it's hard to top 100 pages of absolutely unrelenting analysis, wherein I never even took a breath to quote a peer...which hurt me in the end, but I have no regrets because I passed)...but comparing Watchmen to Dickens might have been awesome. Probably not as clean an application as the cloak of serialization sounds....but it would be fun.

Speaking of Watchmen, it took me awhile to accept the exploding man narrative in Heroes as a reference to, not a direct rip from Watchmen.
I actually don't think Watchmen, pound for pound, was anywhere near as good as its billing. It isn't deep, it isn't philosophical. It's got the very typical, very chic sci-fi depth to it, like a "good" video game, anime, or, well, sci-fi. But it's not deep because it's utterly inhuman and unrelatable. But then, it keeps coming back to me...because even so, it's remarkably well done....especially if it's a comic book. And it is. Calling it a novel makes it bad. I don't care if it's a "graphic novel." That's like saying a film with terribly dialogue is as good as a passably written book because you added something visual. No. That's why sum-of-its parts greatness is a facade we have got to stop accepting as a culture. I love a good guitar solo, but that does not make Molly Hatchet a good band or Flirting with Disaster a good song.

Anyway...I could out-reference a quiz bowl team....sorry about that.

And all I can do is drive.

Because home just is somewhere else. It has to be.

It's entries like this that make me wonder if it's a good idea to be so public with this...but the people I could alienate probably don't read blogs much, if at all.

I do worry though...which is a new thing for me, caring about my readership.

More than that, I care about maintaing something that honors the Father in everything, and I doubt I'm all that consistent with that goal. Indeed, I know I am not. Just telling you that I'm reading War and Peace is so ridiculously prideful, and I apologize. But it's real...it's human..I'm human, and I know I'm full of mistakes. Like a good piece of swiss cheese, sometimes I might be mostly holes...but the holes are not the cheese.

Don't want it back, don't want it back.

Give it all, gave it all.

Give more.

Walking a line.

Welcome
here
there
everywhere.
There isn't anywhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. And John Lennon said he didn't believe in God. Hah...he didn' know how much he did.

And that's why God has to exist.

There is danger in saying too much...always and forever and maybe ever already.

Art is a veiling...but it is an unveling of what cannot be clear to unveiled eyes.

Such is love, I guess.

I can't say I know much more about love than anyone probably. Failed experience isn't really experience at all, right?

Maybe, I don't know.

I sometimes sit and think about how much better I am than everyone else at anything, if I want to be. At least non-athletically. That's very wrong...very, very wrong on my part. And it is very fitting that right now, I have so much less than so many others that have and do meant and mean so much to me. It's right. It's here. It's what it all is.

Fill the air, fill the air, take a map and point to anywhere, miles from there.

Our NSO theme last year, at least in theory and things we ordered from InterVarsity was "be prepared for life on the road." It probably meant, specifically, college. But more than that, I know it means life with the Father. It is more than a good image when Christ says to leave everything and follow...and follow implies movement til the end. It is the road, and where I'm at on it, I've left everything and everyone behind to follow...or will be soon enough. And in doing so, I know that, on the other side, is so much more than I ever had here. It's already becoming more and more clear, from this distance.
The Everglow.
The Singularity.
The Beautiful Destination.

It just fits, even if it's a bit grating on you.

All deliberate speed....it just never ends.

Well you and me, yeah we could change the world.

Mae and Anberlin are the two most recent concerts I attended, and that is by no means a mistake. Where they intersect I can narrate my life.

It is, probably, my own construction...but God made me to be certain, and God made me who I am, how I am, bent on unending construction of my reality through him...it's just who I am and what I do.....

The only thing on which I've got to insist is know that unless the father built it, it will always be but a construction. It is a construction, however, through which the Lord wants me to view reality right now...and I have got to be willing for that to come apart and be reconstructed from time to time, or maybe even all the time, maybe even always already deconstructed and reconstructed, it can't set because there is no findable unity apart from santification and redemption in Christ, and that is something I will not be while I am flawed and on this Earth. So I do construct my view of some things in life through songs and lyrics and words. I think it's alright..I know it's alright...for me.

And I'm going on staff at Hillsdale.

Where we're going is where we've never been, but once we've come out on the otherside, we'll feel like doing it, all over again.

Oh, there she was.
Oh, there she is.
Just believe.

kcaZ-

"niaga sdrawkcab og ot emit yalp dna dniwer"
-eaM