A lot has happened, since I last posted. I'm a college graduate now. I feel more like an InterVarsity staff than ever now. And I'm at home for a prolonged portion of time for a change now. And I love tea quite a bit (however old that may be) because I'm not such a fan of the strength of coffee my parents make.
Last week was one of the hardest, weirdest, most fulfilling weeks of my life, top to bottom. Last Sunday was hard. Just, physically, emotionally hard to get through. It was the last full day on campus for seniors, and really, it was the last chance to really spend time with anyone...and even say real goodbyes. Parents ruin graduation. Not really, but it's hard, sad, and ironic that they show up and suddenly, it's next to impossible to say goodbye or see everyone you wish you could have.
I had too many friends this past school year. Not really too many...just too many to make senior weekend anything but insane and tough on the "decision making" front...complicated further by unfulfilled expectations on the part of others...but that's okay, I totally understand. It just makes things hard, and I know I let people down. It was good, and on the whole, I don't have any regrets. Sunday night was perfect, at least as far as people go...
I'm struggling to think through what the end of college meant, with regard to my certain friend groups, but it probably doesn't matter because they probably won't intersect again...it's just hard to make choices. Like I said though, Sunday night could have been perfect as the meld and flow kind of worked itself out.
Senior music hour and the commencement concert by the scot band were amazing. I am so glad I have musical friends (I guess going into College I was kind of musical too...at least much more than I am now). And I am doubly glad that our class landed on a band year. Miss Ditmer knows how to bid farewells, and coming in with band freshman year made having a band concert on my last night on campus, even a band I wasn't in, special by all degrees.
I mentioned that I'm not musical anymore. I think there are a lot of things I'm not anymore that I was when I got to college. If I'm a better writer, I have a lot less faith in my skills than I used to, if nothing else. One thing is certain, and that's that I'm not at the same level compared to my peers as I was then...I honestly think, if I'm not a worse writer, I didn't improve much and I just made what I have work for 4 years....and did not get honors on I.S. for it. But it's alright....as you can tell, I'm still a compulsive writer. I used to be an academically outstanding student too...I used to care about how I did and strive for grades. I can't really be that anymore because I'm not a student, but believe me, that ceased after Urbana. Thankfully, I fell in love with film so I could get good grades without feeling like I was trying. Actually.....eventually...I wasn't. I think I got departmental honors because I got obsessed with film and landed with the right professors at the right time. That and God never quite let me get past my love for all things medieval. That helped....of course I had an unfortunate intersection with a nearly amateur medievalist professor right after Urbana and that hurt me...heck, it was my lowest grade in college. It's ironic to think about, but the professor I probably owe the most to as far as grades, honors, and just enjoyment of the college experience goes was on sabbatical, and that's why I got a B in Chaucer. Never even saw my sermon-illustration of a final.
Okay, okay, that little paragraph there was remarkably self indulgent. Sorry about that. I don't mind if you skip it.
But what am I now and why did I change? Why do things change? Jesus, is all I know, if they change for the better. And I do think they did. Sure, I'm not as musical, I'm not the writer I was or could be, nor the student. But in the words of Paul, if I had those things, I would count them all loss. I don't need them, and you better believe two weeks of intense evangelistic effort (one of them, for me, especially intense) are going to hurt your GPA if you're trying hard enough. And that wasn't all...oh, not at all. Sure, next year's WCF large group meetings are probably a reaction against a lot of my work...but bigger, broader, fuller was at least our goal and even if it's different now and I was just part of an experiement, it's about progression toward Glory for God, and that's what we've got and I was blessed to be a part of it.
Anyway, so I kind of cut off after Monday of last week, but that was only a slight bit of last week. When I finally got home, I was supposed to (and eventually did) drive to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan for the remainder of the week on Tuesday morning. I got up early, as one ought to with so long a drive ahead...and Annie's car, dear Annie who let me borrow her car, had a flat tire. So I went back to sleep, figuring I couldn't do much til daylight. When I got up, my Dad helped me change the tire...and I drove North, got lost around Detroit (as in, went through Detroit when I should have stuck to 23 and skipped it altogether)....and got to Cedar campus about 5 hours later than my original intention. It was really fine though.....but it's a lie if you think one sleeps during senior weekend. I drove to the UP on about 16 hours of sleep since the Friday before that Tuesday...and like 6-8 of those were the night before that. I drank all sorts of caffeine in my effort, that's for sure. But I made it.
And it was weird. Because just about everyone I knew in the InterVarsity world (Hyperbole, but a representation of most of them at least, if one breaks them into sets by experience) was there...and I was tied to a group of people I was meeting for the first time. God had the providence to place us on different sides for the most part though, and that helped a lot.
Really, it was a great time. It really was. It was hard for a lot of reasons....I didn't know the people, I don't know the campus, and we were all coming at a tough issue from very different view points. But it worked out. Sure, I don't agree with Hillsdale students on much politically....at least not to the degrees they take it...and I probably idealize post-modernism to the mistaken degree that they demonize it (at least in practice...I doubt they consider it too much as, apparently, in an intro-English class they decided that authors have intentions and they matter.......ouch). We're different people. Very different. I'm very prepared not to fit into the Hillsdale culture (probably not prepared enough). But they are great people that God has a great plan for in the future...and I am so incredibly blessed that our paths get to intersect. Keep me in your prayers as I transition into what's going to be a tumultuous adventure of a life.
It was a hard week, but by the end of the day Thursday, I felt like the most blessed person alive.
I got to ride back with Wooster. I love them all so much. I probably can't measure how much I'll miss WCF friends, but I know it will be a great deal.
I've been putting in 7-8 hours a day on the FD bandwagon these days. I've got a lot of letters to send out.
-Zack
"And if the Lord should bring us back together may we be in his arms til then"
-Timothy Meaney
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