I think, when you do something three days in a row, even if you don't plan to do it a fourth, people might expect it a fourth and beyond. I don't know what my plans are right now, despite whatever your expectations may be.
That's assuming someone, anyone, checks this daily. I don't know about that, but I do know that this could be a very slippery, daily post slope...or it could be my last post til Thursday, when I restart and resume just posting on Thursdays.
But I've got something I meant to talk about yesterday and just forgot...
I don't think I'm the only one that's heard some form of "getting your relationship right with God before starting a romantic relationship" maxim. It makes sense right? It's kind of a key marker in the tome of evangelical dating discourse. And I think it's totally wrong from a theological standpoint.
I've heard it in many contexts, and maybe they aren't all wrong in motivation. One of them, for me, for instance, was as a rejection. That makes sense in motivation...you don't want to date me so why not play the God card? Heck, I've played the God card more than once to get out of relationships (and by calling it the God card, I don't even mean that I wasn't sincere).
I've heard it from pulpits and read it in books too, and while I think the motivation: "young people should focus on the Lord more than dating" is valid, I think it's irresponsible to tell young people to try to get right with God before thinking about entering a relationship.
How many other things does God draw us into after we've gotten right with Him whatever that means.....short of the initial decision for Christ, I think God calls us into things often when we're not at all right with him...as a means to get their and beyond.
I shouldn't be a missionary if I have to wait til I get right with God. I'll never be that...not perfectly. It's a process, it always will be. And I think a whole lot more people are called into marriage than vocational ministry. But the leading line is that it's good for anyone and everyone to pursue God's call into ministry, to take his reputation into their hands for better or for worse if God is leading them...but it's not right to enter into a romantic relationship.... That doesn't make sense.
I'm not saying everyone should just date and date and date with no regard for the Father. Oh no, I don't think Christians should be dating for the heck of it in general. But to say you're focusing on God instead of guys/girls...well, when did the line get drawn? Why is there a dichotomy? Personally, I never want to be in a relationship with a girl when I'm not focusing on my relationship with God. I never want to be anywhere when that isn't the case....
Indeed, God-led relationships can should and will build us up. Two very good friends got married this summer, and both of them are all about serving God. When they met...I think it's safe to say that wasn't the case at all. God met them despite being in a relationship.... maybe even because of it; to even use the words, despite the motivation that would suggest God will do otherwise is simply a cutting of God's power and oftentimes a lie. If you don't want to date me or don't want to date anyone...say that...don't say it's because you're working on your relationship with God instead, because if you're not working on your relationship with God when you're dating me, then I'm not interested in dating you.
Of course, there probably are cases where it's good advice. Very specific cases...and I think God will lead you into those. I can definitely see a reality when someone shouldn't be in a relationship because they use it to stray from God or to undercut their faith/reliance in/on Him...or maybe it's just a matter of God saying "at this point in your life, I need you single." That's valid. I can't say everywhere God is leading everyone, that's for sure.
But to make it so cut and dry as the draw the line between being in a romantic relationship or "working on your relationship with God" is nigh blasphemous. If God wants you in a relationship, it's best to let it be so than fear you're not close enough to him...he'll draw you closer and he may use the other person to do that.
All this is, once more to say, that I don't know where God is leading everyone. I think though, that squashing potential relationship between two Jesus-loving people in the name of growing closer to the Lord instead is absolutely wrong. We are meant to grow to the Lord in community....why in the world should we think it's impossible to do with a romantic endeavor; something that can be a very real, true, and intimate form of community?
What I'm railing against mostly, I guess, is the discourse, the rhetoric of it all. Maybe people that use these lines would agree with me.... but I want to point out the danger of doing that with language. When you create catch phrases, when you package theology, you don't allow for the fullness of the Lord, the uniqueness he has imbued in each of us, to shine through. Language is necessarily complex, and removing complexity for the sake of creating lines for uninterested Christian girls to turn down well meaning Christian guys is removing any bit of the truth and the sacred from the motivation that led to the lines in the first place. Just be upfront...just be clear. And if necessary...be verbose.
That, and I'm probably a little bitter for running into it from time to time in my own romantic endeavors.
-Zack
"Come so close that I might see the crash of light come down on me"
-Mazzy Star
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