End of 2009 #2: What was and what will never be

This would probably come later in the week were I trying to be more dramatic and perhaps more correct, but I kind of just want to get this post over with so I can finally move on into what will actually be and what actually was (if you feel like thinking about those for a free preview of what I'll be writing about in the coming days...).

2010 was supposed to be different.

This week was supposed to be different.

As you hopefully know and are praying, this week is Urbana 09...Urbana is the tri-annual student missions conference InterVarsity puts on, and it changes a lot of lives. In 06, it certainly changed mine in many ways.... it was, for the purposes of this post, the week Meg and I started dating.

Fittingly, it was at Urbana at 09 that we were supposed to take the next step and get engaged....

2010, as I said, was supposed to be different.

It will probably always be a little hard, each new years, thanks to that relationship, at least while I'm still single.

Each year I have a secret resolution that I won't be single next new years...and the two new year's I've spent with Meg were the only times that's ever worked. That's probably how it's supposed to be though.

This year, well, even these last few weeks, have made for a strange shade to all of that, making the singleness (feel free to read that as loneliness but I hate sounding that pathetic, no matter how true it is) bite just slightly harder.

But it is what it is and it's that for a reason. Maybe next year will be different.

The last 3 days are 3 for 3 in my seeing friends get engaged via facebook. It's that time of year and that time of life (it has been for awhile now, and someday, I'll be one of those friends for others too....but not now, not yet)...but it's a piece of ice-cold irony, each time that shows up in my newsfeed, at least this week. But next week, indeed, this weekend, is a new year, and who knows what will come? That can be said of any year, but I used to know a lot more about what was coming in 2010 than I do now.

But I'm moving in just over a week, and beyond that, I know nothing, and that is exciting.

(editors note: I resisted the urge to tie a deconstruction of Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" here, for many reasons)

-Zack

"If you let me, you won't regret me * if you let me, you won't forget me"
-Lil Wayne