If you’ve ever seen the movie “High Fidelity,” you’ve
probably thought about creating a bunch of lists, just as a sort of way to
catalogue your life. After 15 years, it
seems like the entire internet is finally getting around to that back-of-the-mind
goal. Buzzfeed uses the list as a means
to communicate, CNN does its best to copy the format (and CNN’s best is not
very good). Everywhere you look, all
over the internet, there are lists.
It makes sense: lists are digestible: they can communicate a
lot of information in a nicely-chunked up format that people can either choose
to read entirely, or just scan and see the rundown. As society
moves toward an increasingly game-like system, in which everything is
turned into a mini-competition to increase productivity (it’s true, and I think
it’s a good thing), there’s something inherently appealing about the list as a
means of organization and communication with an implicit eye toward
competition.
I’m not one for brevity, and I’m not generally one for trendy
writing. I typically want to perfect my
own style for its own sake than please the reader. It’s like the difference between Fireball Whiskey
and Jefferson Rye. One is really popular
right now and appeals to the current drinker (at least on Cleveland’s Westside…);
but the other is a time-tested recipe, honed toward perfection for the last 300
years. It has less mass appeal, but it
is better at being itself. Ultimately,
that’s what I want, to be better at being myself.
All of that said, I thought I’d make a list, every now and
then, because it is fun to make lists. So
here’s my first, roughtly approximated to the ten places I’ve enjoyed eating
most since moving to Cleveland. It’s not
a ranking really, just an homage. It’s
also probably the “10 Best Restaurants in Cleveland” as would be determined by
Cleveland magazine or the plain dealer.
Theses are ten of my favorites, for the unique reasons I’ll
explain. Most of all though, they are
suggestions you should try next time you’re in Cleveland.
(I’m still working on not being the type of writer who has
to thoroughly preface everything, or at least to be better at being that type
of writer. I’m not sure).
10. Crop, Ohio city
(New American Cuisine)
Built
in a monstrous old bank building, a vestige of Ohio City’s old place as an
actual part of downtown, Crop one of the most unique settings you’ll find in
Cleveland. Much of the early-twentieth
century bank-skyscraper trappings remain: the original ceiling, floor, and
artwork still adorn the space. When we
went, we got to sit at the “chef’s table;” a real treat: getting to see a busy
kitchen. If you go, I highly recommend
the “chef’s table” if it’s available. It’s
like sitting at the bar, but instead of the drink prep area, you’re looking in
on the kitchen at work. Though that
might sound a bit like subway, it’s much more like performance art. It even came with an amusée bouche: an incredible pork belly bite topped with peppers
and a dressing. I had an incredible
fried pork chop for dinner, but the best dish was probably our olive and
goatcheese flatbread. It balanced the
two tangy twins perfectly with dates, greens, and an incredible, flaky but
crispy crust.
9. Greenhouse Tavern, (Sustainable American-French) E. 4th
I’ve
never actually been here for dinner (though I hear it’s quite good). It made this list foe 2 reasons: 1. The sort
of bicycle garage atmosphere and 2. The wait staff. I’ve had it for lunch a couple of times (a
certain perk to working downtown), and though I enjoyed my food (a croque
madame and spectacular truffle fries), it has been, each time, the excellent
service that wins the day. The people
who work at Greenhouse absolutely know their stuff. More than that, they are actually passionate
about it. Maybe it’s easy to be
passionate about great food, but there’s something unique about this
place. They don’t just tell you an
obviously prepared list of ingredients and general impressions: they tell you
everything about the food, from where it’s sourced to how its prepared. The food service industry is (ironically) a
pretty thankless job much of the time: poor wages, poor tippers, entitled
Americans. I’m sure Greenhouse gets
those clients and suffers those ills (though I’d not be shocked if they make
better than minimum-server wages): whatever they’re doing here though, makes the
staff love their work. That’s the mark
of a great place, good food or not. I’ll
let you know how I feel about the food when I actually get there for dinner
though
8. Soho, (Southern U.S.), Ohio City
I’ve
got a pretty large soft spot for actual southern food and drink. It’s probably so big that my hard spots are
smaller than that soft spot. Soho,
though apparently named after a district of both New York and London, is
actually shorthand for “southern hospitality.”
Though I despise the fact that they use boneless, skinless chicken for
their fried chicken, even it’s pretty good.
Everything else is astounding. I
particularly recommend their spicy collard greens. Though Heinen’s has changed it, this used to
be the only place in Cleveland to get a Cheerwine (thank you Heinen’s). Their cocktails are unique and worth the
price (that’s rare, even in Cleveland), each named for a different southern
city. For being pan-southern, they actually
do a good job acknowledging the diversity of the South- it’s not just St. Louis
or Memphis style ribs or friend chicken and collard greens: they have
southern-style seafood (that isn’t Maryland style: it’s almost impossible to
find anywhere that differentiates), shrimp and grits, smoked mac and cheese,
their fried fish is catfish, etc., etc.
Anywhere that acknowledges that South is not just Texas, New Orleans,
bourbon, and friend chicken, is my kind of place.
7. The Indies (Indian), 5th St. Arcade;
This is
in a food court. This is also the best
Indian food I’ve found in Cleveland. For
7 dollars at lunch, you get 2 pieces of Naan and a drink alongside 3 curries of
your choice. There are usually 4 or 5
vegetarian dishes, and 4 or 5 chicken dishes.
I typically get 2 vegetarian and a chicken. My favorite is a vegetarian curry made with
chickpeas and mustard greens. Everything
is perfectly spicy and flavorful. The
naan is buttered and crisp on the outside while pillowy beneath. It might not have all of the options of a more
typical Indian restaurant, but if you’re not picky and just want some Indian
food, you’ll not find a better spot, regardless of price. For the money, it’s a win-win.
Side
note: The 5th street arcades are becoming the most incredible place
in Cleveland, more and more each week it seems.
6. Deegan’s (New American Gastropub), Detroit Rd. (Lakewood)
Ah
Deegans. We’ve probably ate here more
than basically anywhere else in Cleveland.
It’s close to our house and it never, ever disappoints. Melt is next door and much more famous, but
Deegan’s should be. The menu changes all
of the time because they keep everything seasonal, so it’s hard to say what I’d
recommend eating. Just know that they do
everything right: the drink list is monstrous, though classic (there are no
signature cocktails aside from the occasional seasonal). A rotating seasonal cheese/sausage list
provides the perfect alternative appetizer.
Their warm pretzel “bar snack” is soft, and served with a beer cheese
you would literally kill someone for.
Those are just the things I know they have- their entrees, which are
different every single time we go, never, ever disappoint. I mean never.
I always say I want to try their burger next time, then they have some
new dish I just have to try. Someday, I will try the burger. I’m sure it will be delicious. My wife raves about the mussels constantly,
but I don’t like mussels. If you like
mussels, I guess you should probably go to Deegans.
5. Happy Dog (Hotdogs and tatertots), Detroit Shoreway
For 5
dollars at Happy Dog, you get a hot dog with whatever you want on it. Whatever. This does mean you can do something crazy,
like peanut butter, marshmallow, and salsa.
Happy Dog is known for allowing these shenanigans. But it is actually
the well-thought out hot-dog that will steal the day. They have 7 or 8 cheeses, 7 or 8 vegetables
(from relish to pickled jicama), 7 or 8 sauces (hot sauces, barbecues, all
sorts). From there, the hotdog is your
canvas. I particularly enjoy brie,
onions, mustard, and their hottest hot sauce.
The tatertots are somehow magically delicious too. Don't leave without trying them.
4. El Carnicero (New Mexican), Detroit rd.( Lakewood)
There
is much to say about El Carnicero: their margaritas are unique and spectacular,
the environment is interesting and hip, their bartenders have a great sense of
humor (for 5 dollars during happy hour, you can order “El Hipster”: a shot of
tequila and a modelo- Lakewood everybody).
But there are two words that define the El Carnicero experience
succinctly: refried beans. If there is a
better use of 3 dollars anywhere in the world, sign me up. It’s just a side dish, but it is literally
the most flavorful side dish you will ever eat.
They are perfectly spicy, wonderfully aromatic, and the texture is just
right. They aren’t pasty, but they aren’t
just slightly smushed beans either.
Everything about them is perfect.
Everything. They are what heaven
tastes like.
3. Mahall’s 20 Lanes
(Progressive Bowling Alley fare), Madison Rd. (Lakewood)
Yeah,
this is a bowling alley. But don’t tell
the chefs that. I’m not sure how they
found them or what they were thinking, but Mahalls somehow put together the perfect
set of snacks for bowling without having anything to do with mozzarella sticks
or hot dogs. I met one of the chefs
accidentally once. I was eating the
collard greens, he asked me what I thought of them. “They’re delicious” I replied. “I’m glad to hear that” he said. “ It’s my mother’s recipe.” Mahalls is literally just letting people make
their parent’s recipes, and they’re quietly making the best sourthern food in
Cleveland, or maybe all of the north.
Their cole slaw, pulled pork, fried chicken, and collard greens are
better than anywhere I’ve had elsewhere in town. Actually, they’re better or as good than most
of what I’ve had actually in the South.
I mean, they give you regional options with your (unsauced when you get
it) pulled pork. At a bowling
alley. That’s unheard of in Ohio.
Heck, barbecue usually means either sauce, potato chips, or grill in
Ohio, even at “barbecue restaurants.”
Mahalls is a bowling alley, but I just bowl so I can eat. (also, it is a hipster mecca in everyway-
they also have the best cocktails outside of the Velvet Tango Room (and they’re
actually more unique) and an incredible beer selection)
2. Light Bistro (New
American Tapas) , Ohio City
For the
last three years, we’ve enjoyed Light Bistro for our Valentine’s day meal, and
that’s mostly what got this here. The
Light Bistro, like many restaurants, offers a prix fixe for valentine’s day. This year, we had to celebrate a day early,
so we missed out. I’m kind of glad we
did. Though it was good the last two
years, I’d always wanted to explore the deeper menu. Simply put, I enjoy any good tapas place for
the variety. Light Bistro is no exception. The highlight is the pork belly: it’s
perfectly cooked: tender, with the fat melting atop it. After my first bite, I decided that bacon is
a waste of pork belly. It’s how pork should
be eaten. But everything we tried was
delicious. For dessert, they shake a bag
of warm beignets in sugar, then provide 3 dipping sauces. It’s even better than it sounds. If you want taps in Cleveland, I don’t see
how you could go anywhere else.
1. Le Petit Triangle
(French Café), Ohio City
I’m always a little torn about
Le Petit Triangle. We’ve been there once
and it is simply supreme. They do french
right, it’s that simple. In typical
Cleveland fashion, it’s a hole-in-the-wall with the strangest shape you’ll find
for a restaurant (the name comes from the building’s shape), and it has
legitimate food, beyond the more highly touted.
It’s the best french food we’ve had in Cleveland, even if Brasserie 429
or Tartine get more publicity around town.
It’s very classic: they have steak with bleu cheese sauce, poulet au
(insert seasonal sauce and vegetable), ratatouille, crepes, even frog legs and
escargot. It’s also highly affordable
for what you get. But you always know
what you’ll get. That’s why I can be so
torn. Cleveland has so many adventurous
eating opportunities: it’s hard to ever eat at the same place twice. But at the same time, there’s something to be
said for doing good food well, and Le Petit Triangle does great food spectacularly. It’s a very french/Cleveland experience. Dinner takes a long time, as it should, even
though the wait staff looks more like off-hour starbucks baristas than
professional garcons. So I’m torn- you know what you’re getting,
and it’s not quite how you’d expect to get that. But once you get it, it will be
astounding.
You’ll notice that I left off anything by Michael Symon and
Melt. It’s not that I dislike Michael
Symon, and I certainly love Melt. But I
have a strict rule: if Guy Fieri has been there or knows you, I can’t endorse
it publically.
-Zack
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