Thursday, October 25, 2012

So long for so much

Once more it has been too long.  I could say a lot.  I've been thinking about posts about Kanye and co.'s latest album and it's latent post-modernity, sports in Cleveland (as always), and general updates about law school.

I don't know that, right now, I can really jump into a single topic and give it the treatment it really deserves.

What the really means is that Law School is a lot more time consuming than I may let on.  I have never applied myself even 1/3 as much as I am to this to anything I've ever done, and perhaps most especially school work.  I hope it pays off.  I'm sure I won't fail; it's just a matter of how well I'll actually do.  The curve is a harsh thing- and the format doesn't help at all- with little to nothing to guide the process but ungraded midterms and class discussion.  So I'm just throwing all of myself at it, and hoping for the best.

But I know it's what I'm supposed to do.  I've never known that as much as I know this- indeed, I've always let the thought linger to the point that no matter what I've ever been doing, I've kind of known law school was what I was supposed to be doing, the whole time.

I like it.  Actually, I love it.  It takes so much- it takes, in many ways, everything.  But I've given myself to it- in hip-hop parlance, I'm not coming out of any given semester, nay, day, with anything left in the clip.

I'm not writing, generally, as much as I wish I could.  I have no idea what Christmas break is going to look like- there are so many things I wish I could be doing more of right now.

But for the first time in my life, this really feels worth it- worth 100% of the sacrifice and more.

It's been about a year since I decided to go to law school- decided is the wrong word though- since I gave in to the back-of-my-mind pressures.  I don't regret it.  I can't regret it.  I look back in my journal and see spots of praying for affirmation- every step of the way, it's been more than affirmed- it's been brazenly clear that anything else would be wrong.

I'm only about 10 weeks in to my steps in the legal world.  But I can't remember loving anything that constituted "work" as much as I love this- not even The Big Lebowski.

It's been a long road.  I don't think it would have been right to go to law school fresh out of Wooster.

But now that I'm here, I know beyond all doubt, that I couldn't ever envision myself elsewhere.
-Zack

"Go on 'head switch yo' style up; and if they hate then let 'em hate and watch the money pile up"
-50 Cent